Wednesday, September 23, 2009
That's all I have to say.
Life is good. Honestly yea its been hard, but its so nice to see the sunshine on the other end of the storm. Its still raining a lil bit, but I know that the time is coming soon when the pain will be gone. Praise Him.
So on another note, I bombed a math test this week, I had a feeling that was coming. So now I'm gonna work harder to make sure that I achieve at my capability that I know I can. God has great things for me and I need to prepare myself for it. Thank you all who have been praying for me. I can't express enough how prayer and the people around me supporting me have got me through this time in my life. I have already grown from this whole experience. I know that I have to just continue being me, the man that God created me to be, striving to be more like that image everyday.
God I'm so grateful. I really and truly can't thank you enough
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Today I am sitting in my dorm room, feeling overwhelmed with the things going on in my life, mainly my school work, I then realize that my life is a math equation.
Funny to say something such as this because of me being a math major. I feel that the unknown variable X is how much effort I put towards my studies, and f(X)= the grade I will receive. I have no idea how much time I spend studying, but dang its been so much. I've never had to work so hard on something with my brain in my entire life.... OMG ha ah.... God, yea I'm talking to you.
God you are so good, and I need a coefficient of your wisdom in my equation of success. Be the sum of all that I am. Be the difference in who I am now compared to who I used to be. Help make me the product of hard work and devotion to you. Continue to prove to me that you are the most amazing thing ever, and have provided every "back of the book answer" and then some. God help me differentiate in the beneficial and harmful decisions in my life. Integrate my faith in You into every term and factor of my life...
This has been my mathematical prayer, it's not only relevant to my future profession but, exactly how I feel about my Lord and Saviour. Praise be to God!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
I had a great time, learned a little about myself this weekend. I can really be impulsive. I know I'm not the only one in the world that is, but somedays I feel like it.
So yea I am taking some new steps in my life to ensure that I'm putting God first. I pray and hope that I can continue to focus on Him. He really is all, and I mean ALL I need. I have to remember that, whenever i'm feeling lonely, or down... He is there, and He is all I need to focus on.
Let's face it, by my old standards and whatev, life has straight up sucked lately. But I realized something last week.... I'm a beautiful creation of God, He truly loves and wants the best for me. How dare I question His will, or assume I know best. I have been in the biggest storm of my life, and I know He's been the rescue vessel for me, the whole way through. I look at the people God has put in my life and I just have to throw up my hands and say "Praise you God, because you have shown Your love more abundantly than ever".
SO yea just to encourage all who read... if you find yourself in a situation that you feel you won't get out of, give it to God for real... immerse yourself in Him, change up ur routine, shock the system... fast, pray in different ways, but give it to God in a way u never have.
I just hope and pray all who read see that, God has transformed me through this time of turmoil and heartache. Praise be to God for He is good, and faithful!!!
Friday, September 11, 2009
Hello to all...
So I finished up another week here at Huntington University. Its crazy to think that I'm two weeks into my junior year at college. I feel so old sometimes, and then at other times I feel like the whole world is at my fingertips ready to conquer...
Again this week had its ups and downs, but overall I think that I am finally starting to find out what's really going on with me... God has been trying to reveal a lot to me lately. I have been a little stubborn to see what that stuff is. I know that God will continue to provide guidance, wisdom, and discipline when need be :)
I've had to learn the hard way a lot in my life, just because mainly I've been too stubborn to listen to those who have been there and experienced the hurt and pain. Yea this point in my life has been prolly the crappiest in the sense of overall happiness, but when I look at the times in my life when I have grown the most I find that there is normally a lot of pain involved. So I definitely feel as though this could be the single greatest catalyst to the rest of my life. Losing something that you feel is probably the greatest treasure is hard... so hard. I feel that the love I've had and felt has not been in vain, but it has shown me more of God and how He reveals Himself in our lives. I've also had one of those experiences where I finally see where God answered my prayers in a way that was very uncomfortable, but the exact way I needed them answered.
God literally hit me with a brick yesterday ha ah... I mean bloody nose and all... and I wasn't even like mad, yea it hurt a whole lot. But I realized at that moment that God was doing exactly what I needed Him to do. God is so mysterious, but He doesn't have to be so far away from our minds. He really can be in our every step if we let Him. I have needed Him to carry me through these last three to four weeks of my life. God is just.... wow.... He's so amazing we don't even know 98% of the time... I just wow... ha ah...
So I close with this...
Yea life has sucked lately, but even today knowing all I know, I wouldn't have traded any moment or situation that I was in over the last three weeks or so. Each situation God allowed me to run into, most of the time to fall right on my face, only to have Him there to pick me right back up. God is more than just my Lord, He is the only friend that knows exactly how I feel and what I think (as scary as that is) and still looks at me the same. God is so good, and if you are reading this and don't know this feeling, I hope and pray that you can find and receive Him soon :) God Bless all
Saturday, September 5, 2009
First weekend spent at Huntington University...
Well... it was labour day weekend and I didn't go home. I sure am glad... I love my family and friends but it was neat to get to experience the new school without all the bells and whistles of orientation weekend.
It started Friday with a funival. I slipped and slided, wow, yea that was fun to feel like a junior higher I guess for a little bit, getting muddy and soapy. My RA Jared Murray, convinced me to go, I reluctantly agreed, but dang was I glad he got me out of the room :)... After the funival we came back to clean up and proceeded to go and play a rousing two rounds of mafia... a fun filled mystery game involving the lowly people of the city of townsville... I was a mason, and a town's person. Was pretty accurate in my votes towards the perspective mafia members... coming back I got to talk to one of my new friends, Tyler White. A great guy, it was good to make a connection with some new people here on campus. Then Jared and I watched a movie and we talked about the week, and called it a night. I've been blessed with great friends already here at Huntington. From my roommate Minkailu to the guys in Baker Curtis and Nathan. Then Tyler over in Wright, and of course the guys on Miller 3rd and my fellow math major Jared G (who is a straight up genius). I know that God has placed all these guys in my life for a specific and divine reason. I can't thank Him enough. God truly has turned one of the worst beginnings of a week of my life, to possibly one of the greatest...
To discuss this a little bit...
I really and truly believe that we are allowed to go through hard times, but when we reflect back on it at the end of the day, what perspective will we take... I have found that after a horrid day, obviously we look negatively back at the day, but in the case of where I am right now, I am having a great weekend, so I look back at the suckie part with a sort of joy that,
"wow I made it through this hellish sort of week, God thank you so much for providing for me your love and grace, and guidance"
So when in fact sometimes we find ourselves down, if we can really attempt to look at good and bad at least equally, for every bad comment or thought think a positive one, we truly can defeat the spirit of down-ness... Now I'm not saying that being depressed or sad is bad, God has giving us those emotions so we can healthily deal with certain situations in our life. But it is good to focus more on the positive than the negative...
SO for the rest of my weekend, I went to a soccer game on Saturday. HU-Shawnee State, we won 5-0, good times... found out that I can take pictures for money for the school paper, definitely going to check that out :)... Had a good time at Pizza Hut Saturday night with some of the HU guys, played some wow, chilled on facebook. Woke up Sunday, went to the 509, had a great service. I might be in another worship band possibly, it would be cool to be in the worship stuff so I can focus on the task that God has for me here. Which is school. I know that everything is going to be great. I just hope that in the long-run, someone can be apart of the grand scheme of my life.
So.... its Sunday 2:22pm and I am going to get some new guitar strings... I look forward to putting them on my guitar, it will be a fresh sound, sort of like this fresh perspective that GOd has provided for me. God thank you for everything. Especially the people you've placed in my life to help me through these difficult times. I'm sure its just the beginning, but regardless I know you will provide... Thanks be to God
Friday, September 4, 2009
I don't know if I've ever had so much ups and downs in one week, that is inclusive of my entire life of course.
The key is that regardless of how crappy I'm feeling, or how low I find my head being hung, I still know that there is a God in heaven who loves and cherishes me. Some days we do find ourselves amidst a battle with forces unknown. Other days its battles with others. As well as days we fight ourselves.
I've had a lot of all of it lately. But its like I feel that I am just in for the beginning. I feel like I should be boarding up my windows and bracing for a storm a'coming. I know that God will provide and not let me go down to the point of no return. He's done too much in my life for me to ever turn away. No matter what...
I just want to thank all of my friends and family who have been there for me through the tears and the anger. I have no doubt that you have all played specific roles in my life, and are going to continue to do so as long as I shall live. I love God and cherish all y'alls friendship (i'm not from the south but i felt like sayin it...) So yea if you are readin my blog for the first time, or are a regular reader. Pray for me. If you pray for me already, thank you and keep on prayin.
I know God will see me through to the end, even if this whole chapter of my life has been the hardest to write, or let Him write thus far. To God be the glory and honor. I would truly be nothing without Him and the ones He's put in my life. Thanks be to God!
Now I start the three day weekend. Hopefully it goes well. I don't see why it wouldn't
God Bless all
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
God is good... All the time...... All the Time....... God is GOOD!!!!
(Just to pre-req this, its sort of jump back n forthish so yea)
So yea I'm here at Huntington University. The place that God has led me in the this life thus far. I have a really cool roommate, Minkailu Mambu; a really cool floor, Miller 3rd; and just cool all around. I feel that its probably one of the biggest turning points in my life to this stage and current setting.
I know that God has a plan for my life. Other than graduating I really don't know what it looks like. I wish I did. I wish I could say that in two or three years I would be married and with a good teaching job in a high school somewhere. Happy as a clam. But the more I realize that things go array, the more I question if I'm truly meant for the American ordinary. Most days all I want is to wake up and be 28-30 and have an awesome wife laying next to me, and we are doing life together as God designed it. On the flipside I feel that at this stage, God has other things for me (obviously).
It could be something I would never have imagined (it prolly is). But that scares me a little bit. I know coming to Huntington, leaving all my amazing friends at Evangel was one of the single most hardest decisions I've ever made. I know it was risky, but not un-calculated. So yea I'm hoping and praying I can get through this storm right now....
Lately my life has been full of just....... well...... for lack of a better explanation....... depressing. I look at it and say,
"Kris, why are you depressed, you have everything going for you... going to a good school, you have amazing friends who love you, you have great parents, and a Loving Amazing God who is always there for you.... you have no reason to be depressed"
The reality, is yea. I should not be depressed but I am. Our culture and scientific community says that there is a condition of depression that can be treated by medicine. But I feel that a lot of it can be healed and fixed if we give our cares to God. I know that I will make it through. I have no doubt. But how I go about doing it may be sort of slow. I feel like I'm crawling through everyday. Without any real close friends here at Huntington yet its becoming increasingly hard to finish the day. I know God is there. I feel like satan is clubbing me with a mace over and over again, not ever wanting me to get up. Emotionally I feel like Job, yes my physical health is good, and all is well exteriorly, but inside I'm so wrenched and hurt. I know God can heal all things.
So God here is my plea...
Help me to be the man u want me to be. Through this turmoil in my life, mold me into a vessel that can be used for your will. I thank you for the trials and challenges u place before me. Even though I may hate going through them. I know they are for my well being. I know you have my best interest at heart. Help me to see it in the times when my reason is weak. Provide a way for me to feel your loving arms wrapped around me. God... thanks and I love you