Friday, November 27, 2009

A new song that really touched me!

This Ain't Goodbye

"You and I were friends from outer space
Afraid to let go
The only 2 who understood this place
And s far as we know
We were way before our time
As bold as we were blind
Just another perfect mistake
Another bridge to take
On the way of letting go,
This ain't goodbye
It is just the way love goes
But where's that woman now, to keep away the cold
This ain't good bye
It's Not where our story ends
But I know you can't be mine, not the way you always been
As long as we've got time
Then this ain't goodbye
Oh no, this ain't goodbye
We were stars up in the sunlit sky
No one else could see
Neither of else ever thought to ask why
It wasn't meant to be
Maybe we were way too high
To ever understand
Baby we were victims of all the foolish plans
We began to divide
But this ain't goodbye
This is just the way love goes
But where's the woman now to keep way the cold, oh no
This iain't goodbye
It's not where our story ends
But I know you cant be mine
Just like the way you've always been
As long as we got time,
This ain't good bye,
Oh no, this ain't good bye, oh oh, oh no this ain't goodbye
This ain't goodbye
You and I were friends from outer space
Afraid to let go
The only two who understood this place
And as far as we know
This ain't goodbye
Oh no this ain't goodbye
This ain't goodbye oh no this ain't goodbye
This ain't goodbye
It's just the way love goes
But where's that woman now, to keep away the cold, oh no,
This ain't goodbye
This isn't where the story ends
But I know you cant be mine
Like the way you've always been
This ain't goodbye"

When I hear this song I reflect on this school year so far...
I still have some stitches in my heart, because of the turn of events. I wish that everything could go back to the way it was before. Sometimes its nice to think about what could have been, but then I think of how God has brought me to where I am. I know that all is and will be well, but my humanness takes over and sometimes spins my mind out of control. Why can't I just be a friend? That's all I want, but its not acceptable. So I live with the way things are and have turned out. Its not how I would do things, but its how it has to be I guess. Life has a great way of teaching us to "Man up". I've learned yet another process of how to do so through this whole semester so far.

God is so faithful to bring us through the worst storms of our life. God I thank you for doing so in my life. PRAISE YOU LORD. Thanks


Monday, November 9, 2009

Life in Indiana


I basically had one of the most thought provoking weekends ever!

Into the night saturday I was hanging with the peeps from burg, and my best friend Bruce. I realized that I wasn't sure what I was thinking about but I got to the topic of why I came to Huntington University. I look into the matter further and realize that yes coming to this school was definitely what I felt was the most beneficial step for me to take, in numerous ways. Why is it extremely uncomfortable to attend this school at some points? Well I think growing comes in many shapes and sizes...

Lately I have felt as though my life has been thrown into a washing machine. Twisting turning, cleaning out the goop that is within the very fibers of my being. I have never felt that I was medically depressed but for some reason coming back to school this week I feel that way, I'm not quite sure why... I have nothing to be depressed about, my life is good. Yea its been a while since I could say that but lately it feels really good, things are going well. I have a ton of homework tonight and this blog post in and of itself may be a tangible form of procrastination, but I have no reason to be down.

Now I look back at this message and see that yes I have gained ground with my emotional state, but my state of explanation and reasoning of these feelings is still as lost as ever. In the core of me I see a path with blanks, all over the place. I know what I want and desire most, but its as if I am looking at these things through glass and I can't touch them. I can just sit and look, or I can get up and do something about it to prepare myself for the future ahead. I am at a loss for words when thinking of a description.

I have to look at those who love and care, to remind me of why I am here. I know that all of this will not be done in vain. GOd will provide. I trust in Him with all I have. Yes I don't understand, and at sometimes get super pissed at the direction He takes me. But at the end of the day I know that He knows what's best for me and is the only person who's been there for me since the beginning... Thank you, you know who you all are :)