Saturday, May 8, 2010
As the end of my junior year is one week away I am left wondering some things...
What did I do this year to help in my growth as a man? What lives did I change this year? What things do I regret having done and have learned to not repeat? What do I do now? Along with a million other questions I wonder where I am going?
These questions are the very essence of who I am these days. I am constantly evaluating what I am and who I am. I do not necessarily think it's the most healthy outlook, but it is reality for me right now. I have prayed and prayed about how to break free from this and I believe that in time God is going to just show me how, because any attempt of my own has been in vain.
Getting ready to step into a new phase of life I am encountered with the cold truth that the world is not far away, and I am about to go out into it for the rest of my existence. No longer will I be able to "come home" and take a break from work or college. I will be in the place to which I end up and there I will stay. Now that place could and will change as God sees fit. This I am sure of.
Japan was amazing. I would love to go back, there is apart of me that believes I am not done being there. I would love to meet a woman soon or I guess whenever. Marriage has always been something I want to work through and for, but I know it is best with God's timing. I know that God does have these things taken care of and will continue to guide me, but it's so hard to see that in my human mind. I thank God for the great parents, family and friends He has blessed me with. I am truly undeserving. I feel like I have big shoes to fill because of all of this blessing.
God my prayer is that you would continually reveal yourself to me; continue to show me the way you would have me go. Guide me in my every step. Help me to show love to others, especially the ones who have hurt me. I thank you for your grace and love.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Tonight is April 31 - May 1
I realized that I am about to be a senior in college. Holy crap. I am in awe of that reality. It is a true phenomenon that I have made it to where I am. I totally and completely thank God for all the great and wonderful things he has done for me. Especially all the guidance that he has provided. After some great fellowship with some great guys I have realized a few things...
1. I am actually enjoying being single right now, for possibly the first time in my life (that's not to say I am opposed to having a girlfriend, i'm just not depressed that I don't have one).
2. I need to read more... the bible for one and then just more books in general.
3. I need to start being more efficient with my time.
4. I need to live life more purposefully, making every decision and step count.
If I make an effort to actually pursue these things I believe I can genuinely start to move in a direction that will change the world. I feel like i'm not the only one that feels this way, but it's like God has called me to greater things than what I am expecting or wanting, but I have to be patient and continue the little bits of good work he has for me now. That is the hard part, but I feel like if I start to take these steps, life will turn around or towards the perfect purpose that God actually has...
Idk I just am excited to see what God has in store, but dang it sucks to wait.
Anyways, I hope all is well with everyone, I will try to start blogging more frequently, but yea God Bless