Death and Taxes...

Tears roll down a young man's face. He isn't sure of this life. Wonders why pain exists. He wonders at the stars and the sky, ponders at what else is out there. He knows there is a God who loves, and yet the man still feels so alone. Through the years he's experienced a heart being broken, friendships diminished, lost connection with those he once knew with no allowance of contact.

Why oh why is there hate? Why in God's infinite wisdom did He give man free will? Just so we could be tortured by love? Just so our hearts could belong and be ripped away?

If we didn't have free will we could simply obey God and love others, no one would know death, no one would know pain... but no one would know love...

"Better to have loved and lost" they say, but what they don't know is that life and love are intertwined in this cycle... this cycle that a life is valued at the love within... it may be love of something not alive, but it is still a love. Man was designed to love woman... one woman for the rest of his days, as was female designed to love male, a male, a man for the rest of their existence.

Why do we fall in and out of love? Is love not what it used to be? Is there such thing as real love in 2010 that didn't start previously...? No one could really know... The young man knows things of love... He knows that when he gives his heart to a woman there are stipulations... one unforeseen contract that gives her the right to rip it right out of his chest... and not just that but continually remind him that she has a piece of it, refusing to ever acknowledge that she may have once loved him, refusing to converse about the once real feelings they shared, the once real love they felt or that she proclaimed to have for him.

Even though it was a while ago, he still hurts from time to time, with no real end in sight... Of course he hears it in church on Sunday morning "God has a plan for your life son, and you can't imagine what that may be". Yea there is comfort, and an almost sense of stability, but when the waves get rocky his heart seems to feel that missing piece... A few other small bits hurt as well, but not like this one. The one that "she" took was the biggest cut, produced more tears and more bruises than any tackle, punch, or kick the man ever withstood...

"Why GOD! Why can't I have what I long for most? A woman to love me for who you created me to be? The thing i've prayed for for my whole life as a Christian? Someone who would cherish the way I look at her, a woman who knows that I will always be there for her as long as I am alive. WHY GOD is she not here? Why is she not apart of my life? Am I meant to have that? I just want to live in your will O' Lord, with the woman of my dreams... millions of people have that, and wake up to it everyday... why can't I be one of those? Or why give me these conflicting desires? If only I didn't battle these feelings... If only I didn't desire those evils... If only I truly depended on you... What would my life be like then? What roads would be cleared, doors opened or shades pulled back? Where would my life go? Who would I meet? God nothing will come of anything I do, unless these feelings go away... please take them away... rid me of myself and fill me up with you... God... please come and pick me up"

With that the man was relieved... He had basically gotten all of the mess that was inside him out on the table... It was up to God, and the man... "on how to carry on from here" he thought and he crashed to his knees in tears... weeping on the inside an out... broken beyond belief, not really sure how to continue...

He got up and walked away... leaving only footprints for the world to see... and even then, those soon faded...

-BICKris-

After Recording... now onto the gig practice...

This week was insane...

Recording session in Chillicothe, OH. It went really well, and if you want to check our tracks it's at http://www.myspace.com/tahbiband...en Basically we are super excited as a band to get the ball rolling.

So in this entry I kind of want to talk about what's been going on in my mind...

With the recording session I learned a few things...

1. That I really want to be able to do this band thing for as long as possible (God willing)

2. I love the whole recording process and the idea of going on tour with the songs that we are practicing...

3. I love the guys that are in Tahbi with me...

I have been through some ups and downs in my life, especially the last two years or so... but God has brought me through. In the midst of all the chaos, I am provided with a way to survive and bunker down in the storm.

Currently I am really needing to get back to being focused on the important things. I've been distracted with the usual things that get in the way, but that's no excuse for slacking at what God has in front of me. Life is too short on earth for me to waste it having a clouded mind...

So with all that I know and have learned, I am going to have to figure out how to "merk" (which means to dominate or own in the video game sense) my will into alignment with God's.

God Bless

-BICKris-

Then and again, one gets a cold :/

Today... I am sick...

Not sure what it is, but it feels like a cross between crappy and miserable...

I've definitely had worse, but it's never fun to be ill.

On another note, my RA just walked in with an awesome two dollar meal deal sign from taco bell and it looks great in our window... But to start with what this post was supposed to be about lol. I came back to school excited to start a new year with old friends. Boy was I not ready for what was ahead. God has already shown up this year. With our band (TAHBI) already getting a recording session at a studio in Chillicothe, OH. We got it for free, and dang I can't describe how amazing it is. I am rooming and jamming out with four of the coolest guys i've ever met. Not to say that bros at home and EU aren't cool. But these guys at Huntington are def on the same level :). God has brought me through the struggles of last year and this summer so that I would be here and now with the knowledge and experience that I have to make the decisions that lay ahead.

God knows that we need to be stretched and prodded in order to be crafted into who He wants us to be. Most of the time that process can be extremely painful. My life is a perfect example of that lol.

What I want is to continue the passion I had this summer, because I feel after coming home from camp I have definitely lost some of the zeal, even though that is to be expected. So I want to jump back into the routine I was in this summer. That's what I'm shooting for so hopefully I can get motivated to get into routine.

God Bless and have a wonderful day

-Kris-