It's almost New Years!

In the morning I wake and wonder what's next. Who doesn't though? Idk. But yea

At this time of year I always - like most Americans - think of what could I do this coming year to change my life for the better (A New Year's resolution of sorts). This year I haven't come up with anything other than one word. LOVE. This year I want to truly try to love my neighbor as myself. That includes my girlfriend, family, friends, strangers, and even people who piss me off / people who have hurt me. I just want to be closer to what God want's me to be, and what better way than to start loving and being more selfless. I know that I can do better and will.

Also, :) My life is really going well. I believe that God has really blessed me lately. Not only with just everything in the family, friend, and life categories, but He's brought an amazing woman into my life. Kaitlyn Mullin, Katie, Kait, or however you may know her is just one of the most awesome people i've ever known. I am honored to be her special someone in this world. I know that not a day goes by I don't sit in awe at God allowing me to be her boyfriend. It's been a great experience and I hope that it is maybe something with a long term direction.

Without any further ado though, I would like to wish everyone a Happy New Year and a belated Merry Christmas.

TAHBI's First Gig

Tonight... wow....

So for those of you who don't know, i'm a lead guitarist and vocalist for a rock band. We are TAHBI. We have some Christian roots to our music, but we definitely like to rock...

So anyway, we played our first gig tonight... it was epic... and it came out of almost total nowhere. Today I'm walking back from class... wondering what the rest of the day is going to look like. I notice I have two missed calls from an unknown number. Low and behold it was a guy named Kyle, looking for a replacement band. The band he had previously hired bailed earlier today, and we were the 16th band they called. He'd never heard of us, but was just led to call us. I talked to him and said i'd do what I could. I talked to the other guys (Zech, Josh, and Justin) and they were all in. So there it was our first gig was planned. I got the call at about 3:30... we were to sound check at 6:30 and then play the thing at 11:30. The rest of the night was just awesome... man... it was a blast. Not only that, God totally took over. It was a night where He definitely took all the glory. AHHHHH!!!! LOVED IT.... God was so good to us today. It's nice to see all the hard work pay off...

On another note... I can't wait to see my awesome girlfriend next Thursday! So pumped for that. Also we are moving our rooms around tomorrow... moving really sucks sometimes, but anyways. So yea... check us out on myspace, facebook, and or Twitter.

www.myspace.com/tahbiband

www.twitter.com/tahbiband

Just look up Tahbi on facebook....

God Bless all!

-Kris-

The sky is up, but so is my life...

Dear followers and readers and bloggers or anybody that stumbles onto this post,

Life has been better lately. I'm still dealing with a lot of different things that the world seems to keep reminding me won't go away, but there is some great developments. I am back off the market again lol. What a funny way to phrase that, like I was up to be bought buy someone... technically I was already purchased by Christ, so was I always off the market? Who knows... I think I do, yea I was in that way. But in the contemporary setting of American culture, off the market means i'm not single, i'm dating someone, or i'm not looking to date I guess. But I am currently seeing one of the greatest friends life has brought me. I truly believe that friendship before dating is the best course of action, and the last two weeks have shown that. Although we go to school 10 hours apart, it gives us a chance to still be our own people while we are in school.

God thank you, for whatever the outcome is I know it was allowed for me to grow closer to you.

Katie, :) if you read this... just know that you are so so special to me, and I can't wait to see you this weekend. I really look forward to seeing what God has in store for us... God Bless

-Kris-

Times in Autumn....

Days pass by in the months after the first day of fall...

With each day comes new challenges and blessings. Since my last entry there have been definitely enough of both. But what I want to do with this entry is talk about thoughts that pertain to a photo.

So in this photo, people are doing various things... There is a man looking sternly out at the public on the left, and on the right there is a picture of a courtroom full of African Americans. I was sitting in the history lounge and I was looking for a shot to start off my series of photo blogs and found this one... A girl sitting next to me asked what I was doing taking a picture of papers and magazines... so I told her "I am going to blog about it". So then she asked what I would blog about with this photo... and I told her...

"I would... well... hmmmm.... I would probably blog about the people.... the people in the photo. These people in this courtroom. Numerous people are in this one room, all representing one life, all representing a different mind, a different family, a different purpose or opinion; just a different being all together. You look at each face and realize that there is a life separate than your own. They each think different and have experienced life different. Each person here is probably dead and gone, but they were all apart of the story of mankind. It's interesting to think about the fact that we will just be people in a photograph one day. So with this photo i'll blog about how each life represents a different story..."

That is what I told her in a nut shell... so I figure it will work for now :)

-Kris-

Meh...

"Pray for the courage to seek God's will above all others..."

I really try, wait that's weak, maybe that's because my effort to seek His will has been weak. Yes i'm being hard on myself because it's what I do... I want to conquer who I am... I know I need God, and I know that with His help we can conquer Kris. I can conquer me.

Domination of will is such a struggle, yet it remains an integral part of our existence. I want to say things and do things that I feel right about but know these things would create conflict... Somedays... every minute seems to be a battle, especially when talking. I just want to say exactly what I feel all the time.

Even though I am so blessed... I have these thoughts of worthlessness... Like... randomly... I can't really explain it... like right now... I had a pretty good day... yet I feel like total and utter crap. Just awful worthless crap. Like... God where do these feelings come from and how do I deal with them without just throwing them under the rug... I guess what I'm trying to say is how do I really give them to you God? I hear it all the time, but what the hell does that mean...? How do we just give things to you, our divine God? How do I truly give you my worries and doubts and fears?

Man it does feel good to talk about this stuff, but on the same note, it doesn't deal with it. I still need direction in this area.... Last week, at the end... I was feeling pretty good about things, and today I woke up and felt like a truck ran through my life. Why this cycle you may ask... but honestly I do not know... Soon I feel though, I will need to figure out the roots of this awful tree growing in my life... because... it could put me in a state of mind no one wants to be in...

So yea, I think this is one of the more random posts I've made, but it's just what's going through my head at this moment, eastern time...

God Bless all

-Kris-

Turn of the vent... ??? Oh, a turn of events :)

Today, marks, the fourth of my five fall break experiences...

One more undergraduate fall break...

That is crazy to think about...

Anywho... I am starting the fall break off right: STAYING UP LATE! I am online currently browsing facebook and skyping. It's great, because the talk and conversation I am carrying on is just absolutely refreshing... and it's as if I have been drinking slightly salty water for months, and years, and all of a sudden I am surrounded by ice cold bottled water! God is most definitely good, and I am praying that this time I can sink my teeth into His will for my life. I've been in such a dark haze of late. Everything has seemed dull and borderline worthless. Music and my British Empire class have been two of the only things keeping me afloat, and the band has been tougher, but is improving... Then a friend talked to me, and made me realize that... "Wow, I really need to take another look at my life, and step back, and listen to God. Not just listen to Him, but truly pursue Him and seek His heart"

God is in the chaotic mess that is life. God is truly ready to pick us up when we need Him. In this case, he used one of my really good friends to talk some sense into me. I was definitely contemplating making some seriously bad decisions and the whole time in moments of strength i'd cry out to God for anything He could give. He did show up in my life, and let down the safety line, it was up to me to grab hold and not let go... for the longest time I have been sitting in the water deciding whether to grab the rope. These days, I decided to grab it, and hold on, to start letting the power of God lift me out of my $hitty mindset and into His arms.

God has placed some specific people in my life, and I need to be grateful that He has allowed me to have such great friends and mentors. I need to just keep digging into who He's made me to be, because I think i'm on the verge of a breakthrough.

God thank you for raising my spirits, please give me the courage to seek to please you above all others on this earth.

-Kris-

Death and Taxes...

Tears roll down a young man's face. He isn't sure of this life. Wonders why pain exists. He wonders at the stars and the sky, ponders at what else is out there. He knows there is a God who loves, and yet the man still feels so alone. Through the years he's experienced a heart being broken, friendships diminished, lost connection with those he once knew with no allowance of contact.

Why oh why is there hate? Why in God's infinite wisdom did He give man free will? Just so we could be tortured by love? Just so our hearts could belong and be ripped away?

If we didn't have free will we could simply obey God and love others, no one would know death, no one would know pain... but no one would know love...

"Better to have loved and lost" they say, but what they don't know is that life and love are intertwined in this cycle... this cycle that a life is valued at the love within... it may be love of something not alive, but it is still a love. Man was designed to love woman... one woman for the rest of his days, as was female designed to love male, a male, a man for the rest of their existence.

Why do we fall in and out of love? Is love not what it used to be? Is there such thing as real love in 2010 that didn't start previously...? No one could really know... The young man knows things of love... He knows that when he gives his heart to a woman there are stipulations... one unforeseen contract that gives her the right to rip it right out of his chest... and not just that but continually remind him that she has a piece of it, refusing to ever acknowledge that she may have once loved him, refusing to converse about the once real feelings they shared, the once real love they felt or that she proclaimed to have for him.

Even though it was a while ago, he still hurts from time to time, with no real end in sight... Of course he hears it in church on Sunday morning "God has a plan for your life son, and you can't imagine what that may be". Yea there is comfort, and an almost sense of stability, but when the waves get rocky his heart seems to feel that missing piece... A few other small bits hurt as well, but not like this one. The one that "she" took was the biggest cut, produced more tears and more bruises than any tackle, punch, or kick the man ever withstood...

"Why GOD! Why can't I have what I long for most? A woman to love me for who you created me to be? The thing i've prayed for for my whole life as a Christian? Someone who would cherish the way I look at her, a woman who knows that I will always be there for her as long as I am alive. WHY GOD is she not here? Why is she not apart of my life? Am I meant to have that? I just want to live in your will O' Lord, with the woman of my dreams... millions of people have that, and wake up to it everyday... why can't I be one of those? Or why give me these conflicting desires? If only I didn't battle these feelings... If only I didn't desire those evils... If only I truly depended on you... What would my life be like then? What roads would be cleared, doors opened or shades pulled back? Where would my life go? Who would I meet? God nothing will come of anything I do, unless these feelings go away... please take them away... rid me of myself and fill me up with you... God... please come and pick me up"

With that the man was relieved... He had basically gotten all of the mess that was inside him out on the table... It was up to God, and the man... "on how to carry on from here" he thought and he crashed to his knees in tears... weeping on the inside an out... broken beyond belief, not really sure how to continue...

He got up and walked away... leaving only footprints for the world to see... and even then, those soon faded...

-BICKris-

After Recording... now onto the gig practice...

This week was insane...

Recording session in Chillicothe, OH. It went really well, and if you want to check our tracks it's at http://www.myspace.com/tahbiband...en Basically we are super excited as a band to get the ball rolling.

So in this entry I kind of want to talk about what's been going on in my mind...

With the recording session I learned a few things...

1. That I really want to be able to do this band thing for as long as possible (God willing)

2. I love the whole recording process and the idea of going on tour with the songs that we are practicing...

3. I love the guys that are in Tahbi with me...

I have been through some ups and downs in my life, especially the last two years or so... but God has brought me through. In the midst of all the chaos, I am provided with a way to survive and bunker down in the storm.

Currently I am really needing to get back to being focused on the important things. I've been distracted with the usual things that get in the way, but that's no excuse for slacking at what God has in front of me. Life is too short on earth for me to waste it having a clouded mind...

So with all that I know and have learned, I am going to have to figure out how to "merk" (which means to dominate or own in the video game sense) my will into alignment with God's.

God Bless

-BICKris-

Then and again, one gets a cold :/

Today... I am sick...

Not sure what it is, but it feels like a cross between crappy and miserable...

I've definitely had worse, but it's never fun to be ill.

On another note, my RA just walked in with an awesome two dollar meal deal sign from taco bell and it looks great in our window... But to start with what this post was supposed to be about lol. I came back to school excited to start a new year with old friends. Boy was I not ready for what was ahead. God has already shown up this year. With our band (TAHBI) already getting a recording session at a studio in Chillicothe, OH. We got it for free, and dang I can't describe how amazing it is. I am rooming and jamming out with four of the coolest guys i've ever met. Not to say that bros at home and EU aren't cool. But these guys at Huntington are def on the same level :). God has brought me through the struggles of last year and this summer so that I would be here and now with the knowledge and experience that I have to make the decisions that lay ahead.

God knows that we need to be stretched and prodded in order to be crafted into who He wants us to be. Most of the time that process can be extremely painful. My life is a perfect example of that lol.

What I want is to continue the passion I had this summer, because I feel after coming home from camp I have definitely lost some of the zeal, even though that is to be expected. So I want to jump back into the routine I was in this summer. That's what I'm shooting for so hopefully I can get motivated to get into routine.

God Bless and have a wonderful day

-Kris-

From there to here to next...

So I am back home... I actually got back from camp last friday...

But I wanted to address the current status of life and what's ahead...

Camp was... wow... absolutely amazing! I can't believe all the experience I gained and friends I met. Including all the love that God showed and helped me show to kids. One thing is for certain now that I am home though... this place is not camp :/

I come back home and already feel the pull of the world and my nature that I try to put to death tugging away at my heart. It's literally like I left a bubble when I drove away from camp. The thing that I do have now is a great community to help me sustain my relationship with Christ and others. I had it at Huntington, but not seeing most of the people from school all summer was and is sort of suckie. So having another group of Christians along side me was a huge blessing...

So now I have great friends at home (Christian and non), great friends in Missouri, great friends in Michigan, great friends in Indiana, and some great friends and connections in Japan. 10 years ago I would have never dreamed I'd be where I am in my life right now. I look forward to the challenges that God has for me this year. I already feel like He has presented some. One being closure with pain and breaking free from my worries...

Closure to pain is something that I have always struggled with. I re-vist and replay harm and pain caused to me over and over again for some unhealthy reason that i've never quite been sure of (I purposely used a ton of repetitive words there to get the point across). I have realized that all the pain I feel and endure is there for a reason and I am to learn and grow from it, not keep picking the scabs that life cuts into my soul. The scars of mistakes and mishaps are what define who we are and I have to start looking to God to help me heal these cuts and bruises. Not only that but use the community I have around me. We simply cannot go it alone in this life. We need our brothers and sisters in Christ to come and listen to our brokenness. If it weren't for others to hear us and build us up, it would be a lonely existence. God designed us to fellowship with each other and that's exactly what I am going to do... through the good and bad.

Worries... lol that is another huge one... specifically not knowing what I am going to do with my life, when am I going to meet my future wife, and where am I going to end up this next year. I still hold to these pretty tight although I have really tried to analyze how I can start letting go. The one I've made ground on is where I am going to end up... because I am pretty much finally at peace with the fact that next summer may be the first summer I don't live at home for an extended period of time... it's scary and exciting, but I am ready to let God mold my life into what He wants...

This is what's current in my life... I hope that it resounds with someone who reads... regardless though I hope you as the reader are having a wonderful day. God Bless

-Kris-

Up in the Mitten State...

Well I am now three weeks into my experience at SpringHill camps in Evart Michigan.

I am absolutely loving it. God is so amazing. I have been a paintball counselor for two weeks, and a classic camp counselor for one. I have had three amazing groups of boys who have taught me what it means to have the heart of a child.

I am really excited to see what this next year holds. God is doing some amazing things, and I look forward to the new people and places I will meet and see along the way.

To all the guys and girls i've met at camp so far... I say thank you for welcoming me in with open arms to this amazing community you all have. God has truly anointed the land on which SpringHill sits. I have realized that my life is going to be a lot less complicated that I thought. I am now to pursue God's will. I realize that it has been my purpose all along and I thought I was doing a pretty good job until I learned that worrying is truly taking our dependence on God and making it a dependence on self. We look to ourselves for comfort and direction, or let me rephrase... I look to myself for comfort and direction when things go haywire, when I should in fact fall to my knees and cry out to God to just take my burden.

God truly desires us... our every part and being. He loves every aspect of His creation, no matter how it treats or shows affection to Him. God unconditionally loves us. With a love that seeks and pursues, like a young man head over heels for the woman of his dreams. God truly desires that intimate relationship with us all. Why do we not let Him in? I know I am hesitant for numerous reasons at different points... almost as if God won't think I'm cool enough or worth His time. Sometimes I tell myself I'm too busy for God. But this summer, or at least these last three weeks I have realized that we have to schedule God in, just as we brush our teeth or go to work. God time has to be an integral part of every Christian's day.

I have learned that I need to be constantly in His presence and under His hand. For me this means that I am to pursue music and ministry, as well as finishing my degree... So with that said... Tahbi, the band of me and the three guys from HU, will writer music and inspire people to follow and pursue a life after God's own heart. I am so excited to see where God takes us. I leave it in His hands. I truly want what He wants for my life, and I ask that anyone wanting to pray for me would pray that I just continually submit my life to His will.

Now to finish up these next two weeks at camp and make them the best ever, then go to school, rock school and music for Jesus! who knows, God might just bring some things into my life that I would have never expected :)

God speed and God Bless all...

-Kris-

This is a summer to enjoy and grow...

Today is a Sunday...

I did not make it up to church this morning :/... but I did delve into the word of God a bit. I believe that God is doing a mysterious work in me. I have fallen as many times as the next man, and yet He still welcomes me home. I know that I am not alone in these feelings. God's work is evident in two different ways: in our heart and our actions. We know and feel him work in our heart and can see it through what we find ourselves doing, just as well as others can see the outer examples of His work. The important part of the two ways is that they be in tune. If we are doing loving things on the outside but are full of garbage on the inside, who are we fooling? Ourselves? God? Of course not... we can't fool ourselves forever. We have to dig in and find the heart behind God and see what He has for us. That can be extremely difficult at times, but it is an essential part of our existence, since when we think back to the beginning, we were originally intended for fellowship with God. We would have known exactly what His heart was and what He wanted.

The work that God is doing is a different but familiar method. He has been sitting on the sidelines waiting for me to jump off the bench and do what He has called me to do. I felt that this last year at Huntington I was on the court. When I got home for the summer, I decided to take myself out of the game. Then 1/2 of the Tahbi band arrived in Cinci and things were looking up. Life happened and ended that. It was no one's fault, just the direction God was taking our lives. As soon as this was over, I went back to not wanting to play. I have arrived at a place that I am really not comfortable being in. I want to go in the game. I want to play and participate with love and passion for my Lord. It is time for me to put aside the mistakes and realize that yes that's what they were... mistakes.

From here on out I am going to do a few things everyday to make subtle but necessary changes in my heart and mindset... I also received a music application from the church I am currently attending at home, I look forward to seeing what becomes of it. I know two things...

1. God wants me to do something with Music...

2. God wants me to finish college...

besides those I have no idea in what direction he is taking me... I want to be ready and willing for anything. I love my family and friends but I want them to know that I am committed first and foremost to what God has for me. So with that said I want to leave the reader with a verse...

Ecclesiastes 8:6

Yes, there is a time and a way for everything, even as people's troubles lie heavily upon them.

God Bless

Life's just one "Epic Holiday"

Today in the life of the Burge...

I am at home in Cincinnati. I was supposed to go and make a list of stuff to sell today, but the motivation was just not there, so I will tonight work out or do some sort of exercise and play some guitar with Josh.

But the real reason for this post was to get down some of my thoughts of the day...

Life is just one epic holiday? That is an interesting statement. Life is full of ups and downs, celebrations and lamentations. Life contains the answers and the questions. Life is. Why do we live? Why were we created? Well depending on your belief you will answer that question differently. I believe that we were created originally with the purpose to enjoy fellowship with God on a constant basis. We as a human race decided to disobey him and were not allowed to continue in our original purpose.

Holidays are fun, we typically celebrate them with an abundance of food and or drinking and being merry. Life was originally intended to be that. Celebration. Fellowship. God wanted us to enjoy life with no consequences, but we chose different. Now there exists consequences that can be destructive at times. We are to enjoy life in moderation. It is my belief that God wants us to obey the laws of the land, but at the same time live fruitful happy lives, and not just happy, but joyful lives. God wants us to feel his joy, and experience his love. Then in turn share that with others. Along with that God wants us to enjoy life.

I was just thinking about some things today and thought I would share... God Bless all

-BICKris-

Wow i'm about to be a senior in college...

As the end of my junior year is one week away I am left wondering some things...

What did I do this year to help in my growth as a man? What lives did I change this year? What things do I regret having done and have learned to not repeat? What do I do now? Along with a million other questions I wonder where I am going?

These questions are the very essence of who I am these days. I am constantly evaluating what I am and who I am. I do not necessarily think it's the most healthy outlook, but it is reality for me right now. I have prayed and prayed about how to break free from this and I believe that in time God is going to just show me how, because any attempt of my own has been in vain.

Getting ready to step into a new phase of life I am encountered with the cold truth that the world is not far away, and I am about to go out into it for the rest of my existence. No longer will I be able to "come home" and take a break from work or college. I will be in the place to which I end up and there I will stay. Now that place could and will change as God sees fit. This I am sure of.

Japan was amazing. I would love to go back, there is apart of me that believes I am not done being there. I would love to meet a woman soon or I guess whenever. Marriage has always been something I want to work through and for, but I know it is best with God's timing. I know that God does have these things taken care of and will continue to guide me, but it's so hard to see that in my human mind. I thank God for the great parents, family and friends He has blessed me with. I am truly undeserving. I feel like I have big shoes to fill because of all of this blessing.

God my prayer is that you would continually reveal yourself to me; continue to show me the way you would have me go. Guide me in my every step. Help me to show love to others, especially the ones who have hurt me. I thank you for your grace and love.

Amen...

-Kris-

Late nights in the dorm...

Tonight is April 31 - May 1

I realized that I am about to be a senior in college. Holy crap. I am in awe of that reality. It is a true phenomenon that I have made it to where I am. I totally and completely thank God for all the great and wonderful things he has done for me. Especially all the guidance that he has provided. After some great fellowship with some great guys I have realized a few things...

1. I am actually enjoying being single right now, for possibly the first time in my life (that's not to say I am opposed to having a girlfriend, i'm just not depressed that I don't have one).

2. I need to read more... the bible for one and then just more books in general.

3. I need to start being more efficient with my time.

4. I need to live life more purposefully, making every decision and step count.

If I make an effort to actually pursue these things I believe I can genuinely start to move in a direction that will change the world. I feel like i'm not the only one that feels this way, but it's like God has called me to greater things than what I am expecting or wanting, but I have to be patient and continue the little bits of good work he has for me now. That is the hard part, but I feel like if I start to take these steps, life will turn around or towards the perfect purpose that God actually has...

Idk I just am excited to see what God has in store, but dang it sucks to wait.

Anyways, I hope all is well with everyone, I will try to start blogging more frequently, but yea God Bless

-Kris-

Entitled to minimal amounts of garbage...

I decided to subject this blog about what I normally blog about:

My Life...

I am going to be a little frank in this blog entry. Ahead of time I would like to warn anyone reading that I am about to use some language that might be considered explicit. I forewarn anyone that is offended by language to maybe skim over or delve into why I am using the language.

With that said... I believe that all human beings are allowed to be put through a lot of shit in their lifetimes. I think some people have different degrees of shit in their lives. Some people just have a little bit, others more, some a whole massive pile of shit. I use this specific phrase because of how much we as americans hate shit. We all have bodily waste and excrement, and we all want nothing to do with it. A little bit of that smell goes a long way as we all know. I bring it up simply because I feel like lately I have had to deal with a lot of... well shit...

I can't say that i'm innocent of everything, because we all know that a lot of the things that happen to us are our own doing, but I know that some is not. I have been through a lot more than I would like to mention on the emotional spectrum of things as well as being overwhelmed with the looming school work that is going to be due in the incoming weeks. I found out two days ago that my dad has a heart that is almost fully blocked by "shit" that gathers as we eat food that is not healthy for us. I am still not entirely sure what I want to do with my life. I have been still mentally trying to sort things out that I feel were never quite solved. Regardless of what it is, there is a lot of it. I am in a storm of just overwhelming amounts of shit, or at least it feels dirty, nasty, and smelly, like our feces. So what I propose is that we just look at who's got our back...

Jesus Christ died... 2000 or some odd years ago a week ago today,

He died so that we could give him our shit... we were stained with sin and disgrace and everything imaginable, and he just said "hey dump it on me". Why? Because he was some nice guy who wanted to look good on national television? No... Christ died so that we could live a life full of freedom. He died to cleanse us from the shit of the world. It was not a pretty death, it was not graceful. It was bloody, gory, horrible and full of all the nasty the world could offer. All the suffering represented our shit. The stuff we deal with because of the unenlightened decisions we make. Yet Christ knew exactly what He was doing. He came down to earth because of His love for us. His desire for his bride to live free.

I just wanted to kind of talk some things through and remind anyone reading that...

We have all messed up, no one is perfect and never will be. Christ did die for us, after having lived a perfect life. He died so that we could be rid of all our shit, and give it to Him to sort out.

What an amazing God we have...

Lord, please just continue to guide me and all those who know you as their lord. To those who have not yet decided to follow you, bring them to that point. Thank you again God for the gift of your only son.

-Kris-

Life at a crosswalk...

Today I think to myself that I am sort of at a crosswalk...

I'm waiting for the little guy to pop up on the screen across the street, so I can walk across to the other side. What I mean by this is simply I am in a place where I sort have to wait. I mean that figuratively of course, because if I just sat around and waited I would fail out of school.

I am not anywhere near where I thought I was going to be if you had asked me three years ago, even one year ago. I have experienced more in the last year than I thought I could have handled, but I have an amazing God, who loves me everyone else out there. I have made some mistakes, done some things i'm not proud of, but who has a clean slate? No one of course. We can try to put on a an act, but at the end of the day when we look ourselves in the mirror, we know we screwed up. We know that we are a failure at life in a lot of ways (at least I know I am). I need God, that's for darn sure.

I have known what it is like to lose a friend, love someone who hates you, be awakened by a nightmare only to find that when you wake up it doesn't go away. I know what it feels like to hurt, as I know a lot of people do. My hurt and pains are not all in vain, for God has used them to make me stronger. If you would have asked me a year ago if I would ever go to Japan, let alone Asia for that matter, I would have surely said "no". But God brought me to Asia with a great group of people and that country changed my life.

I believe that God will bring me back there someday, I don't know how or when but I just feel it. God is faithful and consistent. He is with us in our biggest blunders, and although those decisions we make are not necessarily in alignment with His will, He is able and willing to right our wrongs. We just have to believe and know that Christ's death and gift was FO REALS!

So as I sit here waiting on God's calling me across the street, I will continue to learn, pray, get hurt, feel joy, cry, stumble, get back up and start again, or do whatever, but I will always know that He is there...

God Bless

-BICKris-

Well th th th.... tha... that's all folks...

So in a round about way, this will be my last trip-related post.

We are up real early in the morning, and a little slap happy... Its all good though. This trip has been possibly one of the best of my life (other than maybe this last summer with my Dad :)). I have learned that there is a lot out there that you can't find in America. I know that there are hurting and lost people all over the world, I mean I knew it before, but its so evident over in Japan. Their lifestyle and way of living is so radically different to how most of us live, its sort of shocking. It saddens me to think about how many people go unheard and unnoticed in that country. There is a level of impersonal that is unrivaled by anything I've ever seen. I just want give everyone a big hug over there. Idk... We met some amazing people, whom I wish to someday meet up, do ministry with, or just hang out with again eventually. Helping with the Hi-BA, and YWAM stuff was pretty awesome. I liked getting to meet other college students from all over the world. It was just wow. Amazing to see how God draws people together.

Now I am faced with a whole bunch of school work, which I hope I can get done and do well on. I figure that I will just have to slowly crank it out, and pray my profs are understanding. I have my massive history paper to basically start, a book to finish, a sociology paper to write, and I feel like a million other things, but regardless I will be busy.

I am also in an interesting phase of searching right now. I really feel like I am supposed to do something with music, I'm not sure what, but I think its supposed to be something. I pray and hope that I just fall into God's will on that one, because I am sure that it will be well worth the wait or time of preparation. I hope that I can continue to grow and learn more about the ways of God and the world as I gain years of age. I believe that this upcoming summer could be a pivotal point in my life. I hope to stay focused on what God has for me, and keep the people he has me surrounded with close to my heart. God Bless all and I'm glad you've been following our Japan voyage

-Kris-

Well then...

We tried to get on a standby flight this morning and it didn't turn out so well.

So 5 of us are stuck in Atlanta still. 2 of us are going to get out on a flight tonight and will be arriving in Ft. Wayne this evening. The rest will depart tomorrow at 12.

Its been a trying few days, I am not very patient with airport procedures. It definitely tries my ability to show Christ's love to everyone that's for sure. Praise God for giving me the strength to keep my cool in some situations. I am happy to say I did not flip out on any airport staff.

We are now watching videos in our hotel room, from our voyage to Japan. FUN STUFF!

I'm going to prolly leave the blog at this tonight, I'm pretty mentally tired and not with it so yea haha...

-Kris-

What a day...

So we didn't come back home tonight...

We got to our flight in Japan, ready to make it to Huntington, and yea Atlanta happened.

Our flight did not take off at 7:10, 7:30, 8:00, or 8:30. In fact our flight didn't leave at all... lol.

So now we are at the local Best Western Hotel, and its a pretty good setup. I am enjoyin the goods, we have free wireless, and yea its a good place. So we are making the best of it.

The trip overall was absolutely amazing. I enjoyed probably every minute. I praise God for the opportunity that could not have happened without the help of everyone that supported us. Thank you so much for all who helped, with finances, prayer and overall support. I just wow. I can't believe that we spent two weeks in Japan. Like ya its so sweet. So anyways, I also want to comment on the TV i've been watching here in the hotel. Crazy stuff, looks like history was made tonight, and yea I'm not real sure how I feel about it.

It will be interesting to see what happens with the US and all this craziness.

Anyways God Bless and I will let ya'll know when I make it to my dormroom

-Kris-

:/

Tonight was our last night in Japan...

Its definitely bitter sweet for me. I have absolutely and positively fallen in love with this country. I have such a burden for the people of Japan now. I am not quite sure why other than God is maybe trying to tell me something.

Today was pretty straight forward... BAZINGA

Actually the whole day has been an adventure that I would be glad to tell in full but i am fading fast haha... So briefly:


Josh and I got lost this morning and were an hour and a half late to meet, we helped the Bauman's pack, then went to a workmans store, it was closed, Katsu pulled some of his ninja moves and got us some Jika Tabi shoes, then we went to Hi-BA, rocked for Jesus and came back to the Johnsons where I am about to go sleep, goodnight :) haha much love


-Kris-

zzz.zzz..zz........zzzzz

Its coming to an end... No!!!!

So today was yet another amazing day in the life of a member of Aperture.

We started out the day in search of a special shoe that is made here in Japan called the Jika Tabi. Its a sort of hooved shoe, or the mix between a flipflop and a shoe. All morning we searched with no luck. The main purpose for our voyage was that Zach has been wanting these shoes ever since he remembered last weekend, and these shoes were kind of the only thing that he wanted, so it was up to us to find them. Having shopped in the fashion section of Shibuya with the girls yesterday we were all for going our own way today, little did we know it would be such an adventure.

Thanks to Tim we did end up finding a store that sold a more fashionable shoe than what we were originally intending to find. But it worked out in the end, well sort of. The type Zach wanted wasn't in his size so he didn't get any, but we at least found them. We are hoping that we might have a chance to go to another store tomorrow.

So after our search this morning we went to go eat in a place that was amazing, like fo real fo real. After our lunch we met up with Chris, the youth Pastor from Tokyo Baptist Church. Then we went to set up and rock for Jesus, and that was basically our day today. Its definitely sad that we are going home in two days :/ but that does mean that life will bring more days in which we can serve the Lord, praise God. So anyway, God Bless you all who have been reading. As soon as I get better internet I'll finish uploading the pictures on facebook, until then Good Bye

-Kris-

More Ministry...

So...


Today we had a great day, as usual :). It started with some sleepin in time, and then at some Mr. Doughnut. OH YEA! then hopped on the trains and started off towards Shibayu.

We had an awesome night in ministry, playing worship and stuff, yea so no joke, I kind of had an interesting moment tonight with God, I will explain in a later blog, but I can't focus right now and yea so I am going to hit the hay, Good Night all :)

-Kris-

Day 11ish...

SO today... :) we had an amazing day.

It started with an early rise, we went to the Grace church in the western suburb of Tokyo. We started with an early morning chapel. Acoustic set, yea BALLIN! We then went to a pre-school and put on a little kids ministry show. That was really neat, and those kids were absolutely adorable, like wow...

I don't know what it is about Japanese kids, but they are like holy cow cute, like fo real fo real. I could jus take em home with me :). Then after the preschool we came back to teach a music class after lunch. That was an amazing time. It wasn't a very musical music class, but we did teach the kids some songs, and showed them some stuff on our instruments. After the class, we practiced a little bit and then headed out for some great band discussion and stuff. Then came back and had probably one of the greatest prayer sessions ever. Then yet again had a great night of worship :)...

All in all a great day, had some great discussion, great praise time, and great everything. Hope all is well wherever you are. God Bless...

-Kris-

Day 10, wow...

So today we went to Tokyo again for some more sight seeing, this was our last day we had that we could actually devote to sight seeing... We went to the Edo-Tokyo Museum, and it was really cool... the only thing was that I was so tired I kind of breezed through and then took a nap haha... After that we kind of ventured around Tokyo for 4-5 hours shopping and doing other numerous things, checking out all kinds of shops and stores. We ate at a revolving Sushi bar today and yea it was amazazazing :)

After Tokyo we headed back to the Johnson's house, well me and Josh did at least. We ate dinner and then went to THE PUBLIC BATHS! This was probably one of the most amazing experiences ever. Yes at first it was awkward, but after you get past the original awkward part, its an amazingly enjoyable experience. There were like 10 baths to choose from and yea I tried em all. They were all absolutely amazing I can't say it enough. I feel so relaxed right now, like more than ever. I really am jealous of how the Japanese handle bathing, its superior to anything i've ever seen or heard of haha... SO yea... anyways

Well I am pretty tired and relaxed so I am going to hop off here and call it a night, but I hope that you are all having a wonderful day today being blessed :)

God Bless

-Kris-

Day 9 for sure :)

Well today is Monday in Japan.

I had an amazing time at the conference, grew in a lot of areas of my life thanks to an awesome God and amazing group of people. I forgot to blog yesterday, I apologize for anyone reading my updates. But I did blog on the band site haha... :)

So yea, today we helped with the kids and then packed our stuff up and then went to downtown Tokurizawa and tried some Japanese Karaoke, and omw it was freakin amazing :) like wow... so much fun, I sang some Creed and Nickelback and jus yea, had an amazing time :). I finished up some gift shopping as well. Yea you probably know who you are. Thank you so much to all who have supported me and our cause to play for the Japanese people and missionaries stationed here. We are doing some great stuff and yea jus its amazing. Well we are fellowshipping right now and I am sort of out of the loop, so I am going to finish up this post and say good night and God Bless :)

-Kris-

Day... i'm not quite sure to be honest :)

Well, with our most intense day through, it was time to relax a little this morning. All the hustle and bustle of the whole trip was very exciting, but it was really nice to sleep in today. I personally missed breakfast, but I will survive until lunch so its not that bad. I hand washed my clothes today, that should be an interesting result for me in the near future haha... I hope they dry soon...

Today we will be helping with Kid's ministry and our one service tonight, its going to be a great day :) update lata :) (10:11am)

Ok so I found out that its for sure day 7 haha... but anyways... We had a great day, started off the day helping with the kids in the lesson that Jessi and Elise shared, I was sort of a glorified babysitter, but that's ok with me :). I got to watch a lil guy named Owen draw a crap ton of pictures of food, it brightened my day that's for sure. After that we went to go do laundry in the town close by, named Naka-Karuizawa, I hadn't finished all of mine by hand, so I took some. When we got there and put the laundry in, I took off with the guys, and then went off on my own. I went to this coffee house, the Shaker Coffee House, and dang it was awesome :). This guy was so cool, and I left my Japanese Language book in the room back at the retreat :/ so I was on my own.

It worked out in the end, because we talked a little about his job and where I was from, and yea it was just a great time. Then I went back to the laundry, and I checked in with the guys and then took off down the other direction, only to find one of the coolest places yet. A JAPANESE SUPERMARKET!!!! I got gifts for tons of people in there, and I can't wait to give them to them when I get back home/school. I am like wow, super stoked :)... so yea.

Then tonight's worship set went awesome as usual, and yea. We all helped with the kids after, I didn't really help with the kids tonight, because I plan on it in the morning and I did this morning. That is basically the day. I am so so blessed to be here, and Jessica has been an awesome leader of this trip, everyone has been great, but yea I am just so blessed with everything :) thank you Lord... :)

Night all

-Kris-

Day 5, or 6 back home :)

Today was an early start... getting up at 6:45am here time, and 4:45pm home time, I got a shower at the retreat center, and its definitely not Katsu and Hideko's house haha...

Its just fine though. I once heard from a man that "its not true ministry unless you are sufferin' for Jesus" and I can definitely see some truth to that. The reason i think so is that when we are comfortable its easy to minister and serve, whereas on the flip-side it can be extremely difficult to serve when we are not comfortable. I pray that God will help me to overcome the discomfort (which he most definitely has already), but that He will continue to. This morning we are going to have breakfast at the retreat center and I am excited to see what we are going to have. I will again, update later with more information and blogging items, but for now I leave you with a God Bless and good morning :) Take care all...(7:45am)

So as the rest of the day went on... it turned out to be our busiest day yet. We played three services today, one at 9:00am, 1:30pm, and 6:45pm. Wow... I'm so drained but I got some great pics of us helping with the kids today so I can't wait to upload some of them for you all to see...

It has been a crazy day for me in a lot of ways. Some I can't really go into detail about but yea... So I am hangin with Josh right now, and its pretty cool, we are listening to some Shane and Shane. Pretty tight if ya know what I mean. Of course I gotta say to my boy Bruce, I'm stayin metal. I laid out some pretty tight solos today, messed up a few but ehhh it happens. Yea so overall it was another great day for ministry, our most intense yet, but we had an amazing closing worship service tonight OMW... yea we all shared some testimony and then Tyler shared his whole one with us tonight, it was a good night, great bonding, great fellowship and yea, just a great day/'night.

So I am off to finish uplaoding pics and then go to bed... night all!!

(10:42pm)

-Kris-

Day 4, first at the conference.

So. . .

Today we head to the Asian Access conference at a retreat center about an hour away. I am really hoping they have internet so I can keep updating, but if not I wanted to give a final update before I left. So right now I am packing my stuff up because this will be our last night with our first host family.

One thing I have learned is that being a servant is probably one of the best ways we can exemplify Christ, and this host family has probably been the closest to perfect at that part as I've ever seen. They do things for us without a second thought and can barely speak our language, its truly God's kingdom at work. I am loving every minute of this place and can't wait to continue ministering through song :) its about breakfast time, so I am actually going to post this early, and then come back and edit it if the resort we stay at has internet. So yea, God Bless

(7:24am)

Well yet again, God has used Aperture in some great ministry. We played for the Asian Access conference retreat. On top of that we helped with the children's ministry aspect of the conference. There will be some video and pics of some of that on my facebook and some on the sites of other band member's choosing. So definitely check those out.

One thing i learned today is that God can use any situation to provide us with an opportunity to grow. I am learning so much about myself on this trip as well as learning how to become a better minister of God's will for loving all. Thank you to all who have helped in sending us here. God Bless you and thanks for your continued prayer :)

(10:23pm)

-Kris-

Third THird THIRD DAY!

Good Morning...

So today yet again breakfast is smelling amazing, and I can't wait to get going on our first day of ministry. We head out at 7:40am, and probably will not get back from the school we are playing at until oh... 10:00pm or so... Will most definitely blog to tell of the day though so bye bye for now (6:54am)

Wow... awesome first day of ministry. I love playin music for kids... It's awesome stuff... great work and yea it just is amazing. GOD IS GOOD THAT's fo sho!!!

So we played a morning service at Jessica's high school, and then later in the evening at a youth group event. I also went around by myself this afternoon and took some pics of the town and the surrounding area. It was a very calming environmentally absorbing moment of the trip for me. I just went around and took pictures and soaked in the Japanese city life.

I Am so blessed to be here, and am really developing a heart for all of God's Japanese children, lost and found. I wonder where God will take me after college and if Japan is in the horizon for me again one day.

I am so beat yet again, so I am going to go... and sleep... and yea... sleep.... zzz..zzz...zzz... oh not yet... but yea

Goodnight everyone...

-Kris-

Second Day in the land of the Rising Sun...

Well....

I am bloggin a little early to start because I can't seem to sleep all the way through the night. I just keep waking up like two hours before my alarm. I guess its because of all the all nighters and late nights from my years in college so far, throwin me off my sleep schedule haha. Either way its a pretty sweet house me and Zech are in. We have like our own room, we have to share, but its so sweet. So yea I might try and go back to sleep and finish this post up later :) (6:50am)

Didn't quite get back to sleep but...

So we got up today to one of the sweetest breakfasts i've ever had. We had this awesome Japanese toast, followed by some American-style, and Japanese-style scrambled eggs. Then we had this really cool soup made from corn, milk, and some other stuff. As well as some sausage. I am just loving it here, and am so blessed to have this opportunity. Thanks again to everyone who helped send us and all who are still praying for us and thinking about us. (9:38am-More to Come)

10:50pm

So it was yet again another great day. We went to the electronic district in Tokyo, and met a new friend Reichi (if that's how you spell his name). He led us around and showed us some sweet shops and places. We went to the @home cafe today as well. That was an interesting experience in which at first I had no idea what was going on... I thought I did, but then it was like ummm what? haha... So yea, we walked a whole bunch today like everywhere it felt like. I got a Japanese knife and some music stuff. I am so tired so I will cut this blog entry short and post a pic. I bid you all goodnight and yea goodnight...

P.S.

To talk about the picture up top. I took this picture to show that even in Japan, a fairly industrialized country, and a place that I thought had a lot more than America in some regards, but this man reminded me that brokenness and hurt and need is everywhere. I don't know about you but yea it just makes me feel like I could be doing more... so anyway, just let this pic speak to you...

-Kris-

Second Day...

Well today we started out waking up at Jessica's house, then we had a delightful, but yet slightly familiar breakfast with muffins and bagels. We then got our money situation squared away, and after that it was off to Tokyo to visit a Buddhist temple. Around the temple there was lots of tourist-ish shops and we got to help a bunch of Japanese student's projects. We also saw a guy who was totally tryin to pull off Hugh Jackman look-alike. Then we went to a Japanese fast food joint, that was great!!!! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE FOOD HERE AHHHHHHHH!!!!! After that we just kind of moseyed through Tokyo...

Then we moved toward the Imperial palace. We couldn't get very close, but it was still cool to go. We got to see tons of different things in Tokyo, and grabbed some Bubble Tea and Crepes (and when I drank the Bubble Tea it definitely reminded me of the time I drank it with Jessey Forsyth, and I hope your reading this :)) After the bubble tea a lot of the day is kind of a blur... We rode a lot, and I mean a lot of trains... haha... TONS OF TRAINS... GOBS OF TRAINS!!!!

Then we had a nice dinner at Jessica's with all the host families, and me and Zech went off to ours. We absolutely love these people :). Katsu is a great photographer with an awesome blog (http://Weltgeist.exblog.jp/m2010-03-01/). Him and his wife have been very gracious so far and I am positive that won't change. We are looking forward to beginning what we came here to do wednesday. We had a pre-conference jam session tonight and it was awesome. Now I am getting ready for bed because I am still al little jet-lagged and exhausted haha... so yea I bid you farewell and goodnight (everyone who is reading this) :)

-Kris-

Arrival... :)

WE MADE IT!!!

After 24 hours of traveling, we made it safe and sound to Japan. Greeted by Jessica’s (one of our vocalists) dad, we were met at the airport and instantly treated with some good ole’ fashioned Japanese/American/idk hospitality. I am already in awe that I am in a new country, it quite honestly blows my mind that I’m half way across the globe. It is currently 9:30pm here while it is 14 hours behind at home. We are all right now sitting in Jessica’s house winding down from our long day. It has been one awesome day. We finished up the evening with devotions and are getting ready for bed. Oh and the shower here was absolutely EPIC!!!!!

I want to thank everyone who has been praying for us and all those thinking about us. We are about to start our tour in the morning and so excited to see what God has in store.

God Bless

-Kris-

Days in March...

Well, I am getting ready to go on possibly the single most fascinating journey of my life.

Japan... that's right Japan...

I am heading to the land of the rising sun, and hoping that I rock some faces for Jesus. I hope to see the world from a different light, through the crimson lens of Japanese culture. I am so excited I can hardly stand it. We have been preparing for this trip since December and its finally here. YES!

I hope I can get all my work done amidst the excitement.

Oh and I will be blogging everyday I am in Japan so stay tuned :)

Peace!

Random Thoughts, poetry?`

Into the night I think and drift,

My thoughts of life and where i've been,

I ponder why I chose this road,

Filled with joy and sometimes sorrow,

What little shine caught my eye?

As I lay down to rest I think to myself in my chest,

Sits the heart of a man who is baffled by his lord,

In awe of His purpose and direction,

Wondering why he deserves His love,

Questions the very fabric of his being.

I go to bed tonight with one thought,

Will tomorrow be mine or His?

Oh February>>>???

Sitting in my dorm room eatin some chips and salsa contemplating on life.

Lots of directions to choose, but I typically tend to lean toward where my Lord wants me to go. I'm not perfect but I try. So this week is apart of the 3000/12 challenge. 3000 pushups and 12 bible verses memorized in 12 days. I have not done very well, but i've learned something with the pushups. Sometimes when we try to jump back into a state we used to find ourselves in, it can be very painful if we do not ease into it.

I think this can be applied to our faith. If we find ourselves distancing getting farther away from God and not living out the lifestyle we used to, we don't want to try and just throw ourselves back into our old routine of doing things. There can in fact some intense pains, we have to realize that when we make the decision to follow Christ with our lives. The pains go away in working out if you stick with it, just like some things will get easier and others harder in our walks with Christ.

We shouldn't give everything up before counting the cost, because we may back out if the going gets tough. So regardless of where you are right now, If you call yourself a follower of Christ, look at your life and how you have counted the cost (i will do this as well, im not meaning to sound preachy) what have you done to truly give your all to Christ? What can WE do to follow him better, to more fully sacrifice our lives to the cause of love and His gospel?

Just some food for thought...

New Course of Action...

Life brings many facets and variables. Why do we tend to misinterpret what life brings? At least why do I?

In the past year, I have been in numerous zip codes for extended periods of time. I've met tons of people, developed great friendships, experienced happiness, treaded through sorrow, floated to the top and sank to the bottom. I'm not quite certain why I feel the way I do sometimes. I realize that I am just growing up, and learning more and more about the world. Maybe this has been my opportunity to see the world for what it really is. To realize the reason that we all yearn for something better. I thought for the longest time that the one thing I wanted in this life was a family. These days, I know that I want that, but not as soon as I originally planned. I am enjoying my singleness for the time being, to an extent. Yes it gets lonely just like everyone who has been single can attest to. But I also feel that God is going to use this time to help me see what He has willed for me.

I've known love, I've known heartbreak, and I know that God will provide through both... :)

To anyone who reads this post:

Do not give up on life. God has a plan for your life. Sometimes we have to quiet our lives to listen to him. God is so wanting to have you be one of his own. He desires that close intimate relationship with you and I.

I just want to say that God is good, and knows where this life will lead, so we need to trust in Him...

-Kris-

Gotta love the way things happen

Yet again, God comes out of no where with some really tough stuff...

I feel as though I am totally turned around and knotted up...

Three days ago, I was in absolute peace, really not questioning anything about my direction in life, and then I had a sort of epiphany... I realized that yes I have grown a lot, and learned a lot, but I am still at a loss for what actions to take, what decisions to make. I am intricately wired to do God's work, does that mean I am on the right course of action? I know that great potential with bad motivation can be destructive. I feel like I have been not paying attention to what God wants me to do as of late...

The facts are, I am a junior in college with two more years left, and I am a lead guitarist in a band getting ready for a two week tour of japan. I never thought i'd tour in a foreign country ever ever, but here I am. I went through the hell of the last semester to bring me here, met some great people along the way, and I feel that God's purpose is being played out, but am I letting somethings get me distracted? I for sure think I am playing way too many video games, but what about other things...

who really can tell, all I know is that I am going to do some serious soul searching over the next week and try to come up with the ideas that God wants me to have...