Marching Close...

As March comes to an end I have but a few thoughts to share,

This month was one of the greatest in the history of my life. I got to spend half of it with a woman who has already changed my life forever, for good, for the best, in the most positive ways one human being can change another. Kaitlyn Mullin, my girlfriend, is the most amazing person I've come across, and have had the pleasure of knowing and growing fond of. I love her more than I can describe in man made words. The words that would properly describe my feelings for her are probably not of this world. She just simply amazes me more every day as I perpetually fall more in love with her every minute of every day.

Also,
This month has made me realize something crucial. I have thought previously that I needed to do some growing up. But, this month, or with the closing of this month, I've realized that I have more to learn and grow than ever before. With my assignments for school rearing their ugly faces I also face getting a job, getting an internship, finalizing things with a band, starting a new chapter of social interaction - my circle of friends is altering significantly for the third time in three years (I think that's correct, maybe two times, either way more than I'd like), as well as looking ahead at financially, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally preparing for a marriage. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At the beginning of this last school year I thought I was going to just more or less coast and put most of my efforts at being in a band. I gave it my all, and I felt like it was going to maybe actually be what I wanted - even though I would have only been kidding myself to not know that I really have always, ALWAYS wanted a beautiful, loving wife more than anything else in this life - but that wasn't enough.

I didn't feel like I was being realistic. When I left TAHBI, or was asked to leave TAHBI, I realized that the band was not what I really wanted out of life, more specifically, my life during and closely after college. I think my leaving has brought new inspiration to the other members - good for them - but I am left with a lack of support on the home front until Kait is back home. I realize that It's OK and that it's how things happen sometimes. THINGS CHANGE, PLANS CHANGE, and it is OK. So now... I'm looking at a whole new set of options, or a whole new direction; a direction that I happen to really find appealing.

I want to be the man of God that He wants me to be. For that to happen, this growth must occur. The first step has been realizing that. Ok whew, now that that's over... what do I do now???? Who knows honestly? I know a few things. I love Jesus, I love Kaitlyn Mullin, I'm going to law school - first I guess I'm studying for the LSAT - after I graduate, I'm getting married hopefully before I go to law school, I want to play music - for God - for the rest of my life in some capacity, and that's about all I know... oh and I'm the founding president of the new Pre-Law Society at Huntington University - sounds pretty cool I guess :). These things I know... I will just keep going I guess. For now it's time for bed. Tomorrow: a new day, awaiting my progress toward growth and refinement through fire.

Much Love and Blessings to all!

-Kris-

P.S. if you don't know the pic is my amazing girlfriend! :)

End and Beginning... of books!

Today, in a few minutes, I am going to begin reading Rob Bell's "Love Wins". I'm really excited to embark on this journey because of all the surrounding criticism. Most of the people that criticized the book had not even read it yet. I am a firm believer - in most cases - that we should not knock something unless we try it (a case where this wouldn't apply is like for instance with murder... not a great idea to try that one out).

I finished Donald Miller's "Blue Like Jazz" last night and boy was it amazing. One of the most refreshing reads I've experienced in a while - almost as refreshing as the Bible. The main principles reinforced how important love truly is to the equation of life and all that Christ calls us to be while we're living our various parts of life. Love will save people, or it will at least set the foundation to where they will be open to salvation. Yes of course people turn to God out of desperate circumstances, but in general, from what Donald Miller says in "Blue Like Jazz", people respond and listen to those whom they believe actually care about who they are.

It's in these modern times with the ever growing technology that someone like me worries - funny coming from a blogger - about the disconnect that comes from the use of things like social networking. "How many facebook friends do we have?" How about instead "How many times have you cried or let someone cry to you about the crappy situations they or you are encountering?" Facebook is great in a lot of ways don't get me wrong. My family can keep up with what's going on while I'm away at college. But we can't let technology determine our involvement or engaging in relationships. We can't let technology - or other distractions for that matter - take us out of being the social people God designed us to be. Now that's not to say that introverts need to make a million friends, but it means that we all need to engage socially on an intimate level with someone. That could be one or thirty people, that's between you and I and ourselves.

So with all that said, I learned a lot or was at least enlightened to what I need to work on after reading "Blue Like Jazz". Now I'm looking forward to Love Wins. More later

-Kris-

Like An Avalanche

It was March 3rd...

Kait came into town, it was awesome! :) Then we spent a great weekend at my parent's houses and came back today - well yesterday at this point lol - and went to church. I realize more and more everyday how blessed I am. It helps when I have feelings of overcoming self-doubt. I yearn to be rid of these imperfections in my soul. It really gets tiring doubting yourself all the time. The good news is that I as well as we all shall press on. We'll press on until there's nothing left to bleed or feel. God has purposefully and wonderfully shown up in my life in various ways. I can't thank Him enough for what He's done. In the midst of difficulty even though I may feel alone, at the end of day when I lay my head to rest, I know that He's there. I could be in a gutter or a queen-sized bed, He'd be there with me, holding me close. That's how I feel, and what I believe. Even though I don't always recognize it, my faith is enduring. No matter what I hear and read, it all typically sharpens my understanding of who God is, sometimes it challenges, but again at the end of the day I always know He's there.

I personally have been working through some tough stuff lately. Thanks be to God for Kait and her willingness to listen. She is such a huge help when I need to vent thoughts about faith, love, and God. I have been challenged of late, by what and who the church, of Christ, is supposed to be.

Why O why is there even a wonder? Shouldn't the church have been set off on the right path from the get go. It's almost (not the carbon copy of, but similar to) like the United States Constitution - the Bible that is. Let me clarify, I'm a firm believer that the United States was never ever intended to be a Christian nation, I'm strictly comparing these two writings from a documentary analysis standpoint. Firstly, I want to say I believe the Bible, overall, is much more direct and specific than the Constitution. The similarity I would like to stress is the division in followers.

Division. It's unavoidable when you are talking about large groups of people all trying to follow the same direction. Does that make the variety of directions blatantly wrong, leaving merely a right and wrong path? No... Of course it doesn't. God gave us His word to guide, not to put us in a mold that is a strict, legalistic, non-wavering Christian life. He did say the road is narrow. He did say that few will enter. What is a few? Right now there are six billion people on the earth. 1% of 6 billion is 10 million. I would personally say that that's closer to none than a few. My point being is that I think a lot more people are on the right path than what most Christians give them credit for. Also to clarify, I think that going the opposite direction is obviously blatantly wrong. Example: You start in New York, you want to travel to San Fransisco, you can't keep going south to get there, better yet, you couldn't fly out into space in a 180 degree direction from earth and get there. Yes this next part may be harsh, but it's what I believe. There is only ONE way to eternal life - according to what I know to be true and what I believe - and that is through Jesus Christ. The argument and point I'm trying to make is that, there isn't just one way to get to Him. Why do we have denominations if there is? Why did the Catholic church - the ORIGINAL church - split if there was only one way to Christ?

These are some thoughts I've been working through. Take them for what they are, I want to eventually conceptualize all this into something more concrete but for now, it's going to be an informal blog post. So yea... lol

Enjoy
God Bless
-Kris-

A Day in the Life Of

So... today, this weekend, the last few days... have been pretty unproductive.

I'm so ready for Thursday. That day means I will be able to drive my amazing girlfriend to my house for the weekend and get to visit with my family. I am so in need of a time away I can taste it. These days have been so rough. Not for any reason any other than I just am hurting with a missing feeling. I've not longed for something like this, maybe ever?

The crazy part is that, this feeling I have... I believe is the pain that God feels for us everyday when we aren't paying attention to Him (not saying that Kait isn't paying attention to me, don't get me wrong she's awesome :)). But what I do mean, is me and Kait are physically apart by ten hours and 500 miles. When we are apart from God, it pains Him... As it does us when we are apart from those we love. No one could be doing anything wrong at all, and it will still hurt like hell.

I love Kait and I know that she loves me, but damn... it still hurts like crazy to be away from her. This week I have to manage to get a ton done and not get distracted with my feelings - that's been extremely hard lately, but I know, with God's help, I can do it!

Anyways, just some food for thought.

God Bless

-Kris-

PS btw... Kait is an amazing woman as well as an awesome girlfriend, this post was not saying that I'm worried about how she feels about me. It probably doesn't need to be said, but i wanted to clarify. Cause... She's AMAZING!!!! In every way. So yea... don't doubt it! :)

Great Strides in Faith n' Such

Today, while I was cleaning up after a workout, I was pondering to myself about life. I was wondering why I've been so down, insignificant, unworthy, selfish, horrible, (add any other adjective representative of loneliness and self pity and you got it)? I came to thinking that I should pray. I was actually praying while I was running earlier, but I hadn't felt like I had gotten anywhere.

Today, plans had changed with various things regarding Spring Break, and it sucks. I just want Kait to be home so I can see her. I just want to be done with undergraduate studies. I just want to be with my friends from Evangel (no offense to people at HU, i'm just idk having withdraws). I just want to be done with all the shit that I feel like barrages me on a daily basis. "DAMMIT, why does life have to be so hard?" So in utter frustration, singing #BreakingBenjamin in the shower, I came to a Revelation. My mind can be altered by God, or in this case what I feel like He gave me for thought.

So... with that I started to think through how I was feeling, and how the majority of the feelings were understandable, but unnecessary to get all upset about. I live ten hours away from my girlfriend, so what? I love her. I knew that getting into this relationship that there would be trials and difficulties. I want to marry her one day and I'm not going to let a little loneliness and self pity ruin what little time I have to talk to her.

Yes I'm not apart of the band anymore, big whup! I still can play guitar. I still can rock out for God. I still can write music. It's not the end of the world. I still have the friendships even if I'm not included in the band discussions. Again another selfish, self-pity complaint of mine. Worthless for anything, just a waste of thought and air.

These were two big examples. A good friend of mine on the worship team I play on told me that he felt "The enemy was hitting members of the team hard because good things were happening at church." I have heard that a million times, and I don't deny there's truth to it, but today, the truth of it hit me in the face. I was taken aback by the sheer truth that was amidst the words of encouragement he shared with me this week.

Then finally back to the prayer during the song "Until The End". I believe... honestly... ok I thought about this, and I do know in my heart, that this thought I'm about to share was from God. I can try to discredit Him all day, and let the enemy have another victory, but not this time. The reason I know is I've been in such a crappy mood today that I wouldn't have thought of this. But God revealed to me, that I can change this thought process. I CAN THINK POSITIVE. He's given me so much. I have so much to be thankful for.

I am going to school and studying what I love. I am in love with one His most beautiful creations: Kait Mullin :). I am a gifted guitarist. I am becoming a more gifted song-writer. I have a loving family, and some pretty damn good friends. EFF YOU SATAN! I will not be down on myself (for now, I might lapse into a state of self-pity again, that's how the cycle seems to go). I may at another time be put back, but for now, I will stand in His freedom in JESUS NAME. I feel like I can conquer anything because God has freed me from my self-doubt. I will praise Him who has set me free.

God, Thank You SO MUCH!


-Kristopher-