April has brought a lot along with it. I am now to the point where I really cannot waste one hour on being unproductive, or at least it feels that way. Finding the motivation to do work is hard at times but it helps to have my pictures of Kait and I on my desk to remind me what part of the objective is. I know that school can really suck. I have to get STRAIGHT A's this semester. I've never shot for straight A's. I think I've achieved them once throughout school, it was my sophomore year and high school and I thought it was a fluke. What I'm saying here is that this is new. I've never been a GREAT student. I've gotten by. I've put in my time to get to the next level and seem like I knew what I was doing, but I've never reached my full potential. I always let things get in the way. I do so much, or at least I've done so much. I constantly think what else could I be doing, instead of looking at the task in front of me. Or at least that's how I've been most of my life.
This year, specifically these last few weeks have really challenged that part of me. I am looking forward at a life full of joy, family, God-filled life, and work; lots of work. But that is only for the next four years. I am going to Law School. Ideally, I'd like to go to the University of Cincinnati, but I will settle for where I get the most money - probably at least. In the moments like now, where I'm in my room cranking away at a paper, I find that I still have a lot of growing. I will sit here, type, think, retype what I just typed because I didn't like it, check facebook, check twitter, look at what I typed, sit, think, etc. It's a vicious cycle of procrastinative tendencies (yea I don't think that's a word but whatever). I'm breaking them, slowly but surely. It's painful to rework and rewire your brain. Right now I have four songs from movie/TV show soundtracks, playing on shuffle repeat until I can't take it anymore. All four songs are inspirational and moving. They bring feelings of "Yea, I can do this!" - which by the way are the exact feelings I need to have right now.
Things with Kaitlyn are fantastic. Again I could not have asked for a better woman in my life. Granted I know that there are posts in here about other women. I recognize that. But, God has brought the perfect piece of life's puzzle to me. Katie is the epitome of what I've been looking for in a future wife. She cares for me, earnestly, and fervently with love that I can feel. She puts up with me being a complete @$$hole sometimes. She loves the Lord, and desires to serve him with her life. The list could go on, but above all she makes me want to be a better man. I have no doubt that her coming into my life almost three years ago was divine intervention. Yes, we both had to make choices and follow through with various things to get us to the here and now, but God had a part to play. He crafted her with some of the best parts of his divine character. I just look forward to a great, great future with her in which we'll be pursuing a life and a family firmly set upon God's love.
All in all, I'm in the midst of a battle for motivation. I have about 80-82 pages left to write. I better get crackin. God Bless, and I hope you enjoyed this post.
-Kris-
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