In December...

So yea, Christmas is fast approaching, and there is so much to discuss. But for now I will just talk on my life...

So yea, the night is sometimes seriously darkest before the dawn...

This previous semester was one of the hardest ever, not just because of school, but because of life. I have learned a lot about myself and people in general. I have learned that you never assume anything about anyone ever. People will be who they are when times are stressing, troubling or trying. You can not be who your not when you are pissed. I have learned that some people will never care what people think about decisions they make, and actions they follow through with.

I have been getting to a point in my life where I feel that I am finally figuring out where I am going. I am quite possibly in the most heathy relationship of my life with an awesome girl name Maggie Hart :) and yea I know that not a few months ago I was feeling like I was on cloud nine with my ex but...

Looking back... I rushed things hardcore, we were never ever meant to be together. Why was I blinded? I was lovedrunk, and definitely hungover. I didn't realize that someone could treat another human being the way I was treated, but it happened, and I learned. Now I know that I can expect to be appreciated and its ok, God wants us to be happy, and will provide for us, if we trust him to. I look forward to seeing where this new relationship goes. Maggie is a great girl and I like her so very much. I look forward to meeting her parents very soon. God Bless WWW talk to ya'll lata...

-Kris-

A new song that really touched me!

This Ain't Goodbye

Train

"You and I were friends from outer space
Afraid to let go
The only 2 who understood this place
And s far as we know
We were way before our time
As bold as we were blind
Just another perfect mistake
Another bridge to take
On the way of letting go,
This ain't goodbye
It is just the way love goes
But where's that woman now, to keep away the cold
This ain't good bye
It's Not where our story ends
But I know you can't be mine, not the way you always been
As long as we've got time
Then this ain't goodbye
Oh no, this ain't goodbye
We were stars up in the sunlit sky
No one else could see
Neither of else ever thought to ask why
It wasn't meant to be
Maybe we were way too high
To ever understand
Baby we were victims of all the foolish plans
We began to divide
But this ain't goodbye
This is just the way love goes
But where's the woman now to keep way the cold, oh no
This iain't goodbye
It's not where our story ends
But I know you cant be mine
Just like the way you've always been
As long as we got time,
This ain't good bye,
Oh no, this ain't good bye, oh oh, oh no this ain't goodbye
This ain't goodbye
You and I were friends from outer space
Afraid to let go
The only two who understood this place
And as far as we know
This ain't goodbye
Oh no this ain't goodbye
This ain't goodbye oh no this ain't goodbye
This ain't goodbye
It's just the way love goes
But where's that woman now, to keep away the cold, oh no,
This ain't goodbye
This isn't where the story ends
But I know you cant be mine
Like the way you've always been
This ain't goodbye"

When I hear this song I reflect on this school year so far...

I still have some stitches in my heart, because of the turn of events. I wish that everything could go back to the way it was before. Sometimes its nice to think about what could have been, but then I think of how God has brought me to where I am. I know that all is and will be well, but my humanness takes over and sometimes spins my mind out of control. Why can't I just be a friend? That's all I want, but its not acceptable. So I live with the way things are and have turned out. Its not how I would do things, but its how it has to be I guess. Life has a great way of teaching us to "Man up". I've learned yet another process of how to do so through this whole semester so far.

God is so faithful to bring us through the worst storms of our life. God I thank you for doing so in my life. PRAISE YOU LORD. Thanks

-Kris-

Life in Indiana

Well...

I basically had one of the most thought provoking weekends ever!

Into the night saturday I was hanging with the peeps from burg, and my best friend Bruce. I realized that I wasn't sure what I was thinking about but I got to the topic of why I came to Huntington University. I look into the matter further and realize that yes coming to this school was definitely what I felt was the most beneficial step for me to take, in numerous ways. Why is it extremely uncomfortable to attend this school at some points? Well I think growing comes in many shapes and sizes...

Lately I have felt as though my life has been thrown into a washing machine. Twisting turning, cleaning out the goop that is within the very fibers of my being. I have never felt that I was medically depressed but for some reason coming back to school this week I feel that way, I'm not quite sure why... I have nothing to be depressed about, my life is good. Yea its been a while since I could say that but lately it feels really good, things are going well. I have a ton of homework tonight and this blog post in and of itself may be a tangible form of procrastination, but I have no reason to be down.

Now I look back at this message and see that yes I have gained ground with my emotional state, but my state of explanation and reasoning of these feelings is still as lost as ever. In the core of me I see a path with blanks, all over the place. I know what I want and desire most, but its as if I am looking at these things through glass and I can't touch them. I can just sit and look, or I can get up and do something about it to prepare myself for the future ahead. I am at a loss for words when thinking of a description.

I have to look at those who love and care, to remind me of why I am here. I know that all of this will not be done in vain. GOd will provide. I trust in Him with all I have. Yes I don't understand, and at sometimes get super pissed at the direction He takes me. But at the end of the day I know that He knows what's best for me and is the only person who's been there for me since the beginning... Thank you, you know who you all are :)

-Kris-

End of October 2009=crazy!

So basically...

What a month October has been, lots of ups, and definitely a few downs, but overall I praise God yet again for another month living for Him.

I've gotten to know some more people, drawn close to some, lost touch as well as gone seperate ways with others. I know that there is a reason for everything, and I do mean everything...

I am currently a secondary math education major, and feel really good about that, but I'm not quite sure how I am going to get through the remainder of the classes I have. They are very difficult and starting to rack my brain, yet when I go into the high school I feel very much at home. Its like I am going through a grinder so I can sit in a pool of jello. Why do we have to do these insanely complex things to prepare us for what lies ahead. There is a verse that really reminds me of this principle and idea of getting through to the other side so I will be better prepared...

James 1:2-4

² Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ⁴Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

This reminds me that I am to keep on keepin on, as hard as it may be. I will persevere and depend on God for strength. He's been with me this far, why would he leave now...

-Kris-

Another day another blog :)

Hello everyone,

I am sitting in my dorm room, preparing for sleep time, and I come to find out that I have homework due that isn't due until one, I will have a 45 min window tomorrow to get it done. I hope that I will make it worth it.

Life lately has been great, just got back from a mission's trip to Benton Harbor Michigan, helped out Habitat for Humanity. We helped put together some houses. It was so refreshing to get away from my life and problems for a little while. I think we can all use times like that to get away and just serve other people. Blessing others helps generate a will to continue serving the Lord. To see how much people are grateful, and to know how much we mean to them its just refreshing. I didn't go for selfish gain, I truly did want to help and serve, yet I was blessed by their blessing. God is so good like that

To another area of my life. Romantically I am officially just going with the flow. I am finally over my whole previous phase. I have learned a lot, and look forward to seeing what God has in store. I am also not searching, I am going to meet people, get myself out there and experience the world while God has me in this phase of singleness. I know that I am not called to be single forever, there is no way I could handle it, and I have always wanted a family. So until the day comes I am open to what He has for me.

Huntington has been great for me in so many ways and there are really three people who I can thank, God, my dad, and Abby Dilling. Although me and Abby are not communicating, she deserves as much credit as anyone, and no matter what happens I will always be grateful for having known her. Dad, without you I wouldn't be able to afford school Thank you!!! and God well I wouldn't even be here, let alone know what the heck to do if it weren't for you. Thanks again. Praise be to God for His love and direction

-Kris-

Politics in the world today...

Looking into the political spectrum, we find that there is an extreme tone bordering on hate.

Is it right? Should politicians keep pushing people to the edge of terrorism? I think we have to seriously consider our motives of speaking out in the political arena. America is not a country that condones terrorism. We never have since we became a country. Why do we then dance along the line of inciting such acts?

As Christians we are called to live in the world but not of it. Yet we immerse ourselves in the issues of the world. I am guilty of this just as much as the next person but I am wondering if we really need to focus our efforts elsewhere. Are we supposed to stay informed and yet not become attached in a way that would lead us to extremism for something other than Christ? Its a fascinating and very scary time for American Christians.

So the thought I want to leave us with is....

As Christians should we really fan the flame of the political bonfire with our opinions on the values we see as most valuable; should we simply stay informed and out of the hot seat and exemplify Christ with our lives; should we not concern ourselves with any sort of politics and begin not to vote all together etc...?

As we chew on these thoughts, let's be open to God and what He would have us do...

-Kris-

I know but...

So I know I have blogged a lot lately, but a lot has gone on...

Today I have decided that closure will be in the form of a letter. Hopefully it is accepted by the person I send it to, if not, they can't say I didn't try. I am so very sorry to have caused them any pain. I never intended to. I loved them, and truly cared for them. I hope and pray that they will continue to seek after God and His will for their life, but my part in their life is now officially over as far as I'm concerned. They don't want me in their life, so I will respect that. I may never understand why, but that doesn't matter anymore. I am done, and I am going to move on and learn from my mistakes.

Letters can be influential. I hope mine explains something. I hope that they can receive it and know that I never intended pain. I never wanted to pierce an exposed heart, or crush a trusting spirit, but the events that have taken place wouldn't have occurred unless I did something, so I apologize. I am who I am, who God has made me to be, I'm not perfect, but I do the best I can with what I have.

God knows my heart.

Thank you are all who have read, and prayed for me through this. I couldn't have made it without u all. Thank you for all who have listened to my pathetic self through the groveling and whining. I promise to be there for all of you when you need it most. I can't repay you enough. God Bless you all. Thanks again

-Kris-

Torment... of.... what?

Why do we feel so stressed somedays...

Today I feel as though my insides are going to explode. I hate when I feel this way... Only a few things have caused this in my lifetime, the reoccurring one of late is the main issue. I want to give up this situation to God, depend on Him for strength, but there is something inside me that won't let go... I want to be free of it and I just keep running back to it in my mind. Why do we let things grab hold of our conscious train of thought? Why do I hold onto things that hurt to keep in. Is it words of feelings that have been expressed? Attachment resulting from those words? Who really knows other than God about how our minds work. I don't think any one person can explain the current status of my emotional being, but I know that God can.

So what do I do? Well I move on and press through. This is an opportunity to really dig in and draw close to God. So that is what I am going to do. I pray that He provides a way for me to see the light at the end of tunnel until I make it out. I wish things could have played out different, but its too late for that now. I have to remember that He has my back. He knows what's best for me, maybe what I dwell on wasn't the best. I sure thought it was; but God knows best.

So with this post, I am going to seek to find closure on the situation. I hope to be able to come to grips with that concept in my mind. We will soon see if that is possible. God Bless and have a great day.

-Kris-

Good Afternoon Internet...

So.....

In light of events past I thought I'd change the subject or underlying tone of my blog posts today.

I'm in Huron Ohio, getting ready to go to Cleveland today. I haven't been to Cleveland in years. I grew up there, and I can't wait to drive through my neighborhood and see how its all been. I am really excited actually. Its really nice to get away from the stresses and problems that life lays before us. Going to the place where I grew up and didn't have all the issues that life throws at me today will be a refreshing experience.

With everything going on, I will continue to pray, because honestly none of it is in my power to control. People will be people, and I can't change that. So I will sit, wait and pray. Yes I will continue to live my life to best I can as God has called me to live it. Yes I will continue to push through the obstacles, because I know I have the best trainer in my corner.

I've had a great weekend so far catching up with a great friend. I look forward to going to Cleveland today. Like yea, im pretty stoked about it. So anyways...... I will post again soon, God Bless

-Kris-

Final line cut...

Yea...

So when you find out that something you've been holding onto is really being held in futility, is it safe to assume that you might want to let go?

Well heck yea it is. Yesterday I came to a realization through an interesting turn of events. I had a situation thrown in my face, and how did I react? Well i acted like I should have, I sat back and realized "its not about me" and in my mind cut this person off from my train of thought. I tried my best to just be myself and care, but no more will I worry myself with any thing having to do with this. God thank you for allowing the revelation to hit me as it did. Yea it hurt, real bad actually, but all is well. God you are awesome. I hope that you can continue to carry me through this as I am going to be dealing with some emotions surrounding the situation I'm for sure.

God I praise you, and thank you for what you have done and are going to continue to do through me and others.

I'm getting ready to go out of town for a night and a day, I can't wait to chill in Northern Ohio! woot woot!!

Yea its gonna be blast, and from what I know, I'm pretty sure someone else is extremely excited as well... :)

So yea, just know that if things come your way, take a step back and look at the even for what it really is. If need be, just remove it from your mind, its not an instant process, it takes time, but making the decision to start forgetting and removing material from your mind is huge. So be blessed and live with peace God Bless

-Kris-

October has arrived...

Hello,

So yea life has been life lately.

I have felt tons better about everything after having dropped my Abstract Algebra class. It was stressin me out hardcore, and I am so so glad I dropped it. I am really missing a certain someone, I wish I could at least communicate with them, or see how they are doing; maybe one day... I hope at least...

Other than that.... we won our championship game today in Powderpuff football, as a part of the Deatheaters coaching staff I am so proud of the girls who worked hard and fought to win today. Ryan great play calling, its an honor to work under you as a coach, and Jared u just rock in general brotha!

This year has been so far one of the most emotionally rollercoaster-y I've ever had in my entire life. Just with everything that has occurred and the things that continue to unfold and take place. I'm skeptical somedays as I turn every corner wondering if I'm going to get hit with another problem or learning experience. I know that GOd will provide a way through it all.

So yea I've also been writing some songs lately and I want to post them on here so I will probably do that sooner or later. So keep checkin the blog, thanks and God Bless

-Kris-

Yet another day under God's hand...

Praise God,

That's all I have to say.

Life is good. Honestly yea its been hard, but its so nice to see the sunshine on the other end of the storm. Its still raining a lil bit, but I know that the time is coming soon when the pain will be gone. Praise Him.

So on another note, I bombed a math test this week, I had a feeling that was coming. So now I'm gonna work harder to make sure that I achieve at my capability that I know I can. God has great things for me and I need to prepare myself for it. Thank you all who have been praying for me. I can't express enough how prayer and the people around me supporting me have got me through this time in my life. I have already grown from this whole experience. I know that I have to just continue being me, the man that God created me to be, striving to be more like that image everyday.

God I'm so grateful. I really and truly can't thank you enough

My life is a math problem...

Today I am sitting in my dorm room, feeling overwhelmed with the things going on in my life, mainly my school work, I then realize that my life is a math equation.

Funny to say something such as this because of me being a math major. I feel that the unknown variable X is how much effort I put towards my studies, and f(X)= the grade I will receive. I have no idea how much time I spend studying, but dang its been so much. I've never had to work so hard on something with my brain in my entire life.... OMG ha ah.... God, yea I'm talking to you.

God you are so good, and I need a coefficient of your wisdom in my equation of success. Be the sum of all that I am. Be the difference in who I am now compared to who I used to be. Help make me the product of hard work and devotion to you. Continue to prove to me that you are the most amazing thing ever, and have provided every "back of the book answer" and then some. God help me differentiate in the beneficial and harmful decisions in my life. Integrate my faith in You into every term and factor of my life...

This has been my mathematical prayer, it's not only relevant to my future profession but, exactly how I feel about my Lord and Saviour. Praise be to God!

-Kris-

incoming... another Monday...

SO yea....

Interesting weekend...

I had a great time, learned a little about myself this weekend. I can really be impulsive. I know I'm not the only one in the world that is, but somedays I feel like it.

So yea I am taking some new steps in my life to ensure that I'm putting God first. I pray and hope that I can continue to focus on Him. He really is all, and I mean ALL I need. I have to remember that, whenever i'm feeling lonely, or down... He is there, and He is all I need to focus on.

Let's face it, by my old standards and whatev, life has straight up sucked lately. But I realized something last week.... I'm a beautiful creation of God, He truly loves and wants the best for me. How dare I question His will, or assume I know best. I have been in the biggest storm of my life, and I know He's been the rescue vessel for me, the whole way through. I look at the people God has put in my life and I just have to throw up my hands and say "Praise you God, because you have shown Your love more abundantly than ever".

SO yea just to encourage all who read... if you find yourself in a situation that you feel you won't get out of, give it to God for real... immerse yourself in Him, change up ur routine, shock the system... fast, pray in different ways, but give it to God in a way u never have.

I just hope and pray all who read see that, God has transformed me through this time of turmoil and heartache. Praise be to God for He is good, and faithful!!!

-Kris-

Another week down...

Hello to all...

So I finished up another week here at Huntington University. Its crazy to think that I'm two weeks into my junior year at college. I feel so old sometimes, and then at other times I feel like the whole world is at my fingertips ready to conquer...

Again this week had its ups and downs, but overall I think that I am finally starting to find out what's really going on with me... God has been trying to reveal a lot to me lately. I have been a little stubborn to see what that stuff is. I know that God will continue to provide guidance, wisdom, and discipline when need be :)

I've had to learn the hard way a lot in my life, just because mainly I've been too stubborn to listen to those who have been there and experienced the hurt and pain. Yea this point in my life has been prolly the crappiest in the sense of overall happiness, but when I look at the times in my life when I have grown the most I find that there is normally a lot of pain involved. So I definitely feel as though this could be the single greatest catalyst to the rest of my life. Losing something that you feel is probably the greatest treasure is hard... so hard. I feel that the love I've had and felt has not been in vain, but it has shown me more of God and how He reveals Himself in our lives. I've also had one of those experiences where I finally see where God answered my prayers in a way that was very uncomfortable, but the exact way I needed them answered.

God literally hit me with a brick yesterday ha ah... I mean bloody nose and all... and I wasn't even like mad, yea it hurt a whole lot. But I realized at that moment that God was doing exactly what I needed Him to do. God is so mysterious, but He doesn't have to be so far away from our minds. He really can be in our every step if we let Him. I have needed Him to carry me through these last three to four weeks of my life. God is just.... wow.... He's so amazing we don't even know 98% of the time... I just wow... ha ah...

So I close with this...

Yea life has sucked lately, but even today knowing all I know, I wouldn't have traded any moment or situation that I was in over the last three weeks or so. Each situation God allowed me to run into, most of the time to fall right on my face, only to have Him there to pick me right back up. God is more than just my Lord, He is the only friend that knows exactly how I feel and what I think (as scary as that is) and still looks at me the same. God is so good, and if you are reading this and don't know this feeling, I hope and pray that you can find and receive Him soon :) God Bless all

-Kris-

Its da weekend

First weekend spent at Huntington University...

Well... it was labour day weekend and I didn't go home. I sure am glad... I love my family and friends but it was neat to get to experience the new school without all the bells and whistles of orientation weekend.

It started Friday with a funival. I slipped and slided, wow, yea that was fun to feel like a junior higher I guess for a little bit, getting muddy and soapy. My RA Jared Murray, convinced me to go, I reluctantly agreed, but dang was I glad he got me out of the room :)... After the funival we came back to clean up and proceeded to go and play a rousing two rounds of mafia... a fun filled mystery game involving the lowly people of the city of townsville... I was a mason, and a town's person. Was pretty accurate in my votes towards the perspective mafia members... coming back I got to talk to one of my new friends, Tyler White. A great guy, it was good to make a connection with some new people here on campus. Then Jared and I watched a movie and we talked about the week, and called it a night. I've been blessed with great friends already here at Huntington. From my roommate Minkailu to the guys in Baker Curtis and Nathan. Then Tyler over in Wright, and of course the guys on Miller 3rd and my fellow math major Jared G (who is a straight up genius). I know that God has placed all these guys in my life for a specific and divine reason. I can't thank Him enough. God truly has turned one of the worst beginnings of a week of my life, to possibly one of the greatest...

To discuss this a little bit...

I really and truly believe that we are allowed to go through hard times, but when we reflect back on it at the end of the day, what perspective will we take... I have found that after a horrid day, obviously we look negatively back at the day, but in the case of where I am right now, I am having a great weekend, so I look back at the suckie part with a sort of joy that,

"wow I made it through this hellish sort of week, God thank you so much for providing for me your love and grace, and guidance"

So when in fact sometimes we find ourselves down, if we can really attempt to look at good and bad at least equally, for every bad comment or thought think a positive one, we truly can defeat the spirit of down-ness... Now I'm not saying that being depressed or sad is bad, God has giving us those emotions so we can healthily deal with certain situations in our life. But it is good to focus more on the positive than the negative...

SO for the rest of my weekend, I went to a soccer game on Saturday. HU-Shawnee State, we won 5-0, good times... found out that I can take pictures for money for the school paper, definitely going to check that out :)... Had a good time at Pizza Hut Saturday night with some of the HU guys, played some wow, chilled on facebook. Woke up Sunday, went to the 509, had a great service. I might be in another worship band possibly, it would be cool to be in the worship stuff so I can focus on the task that God has for me here. Which is school. I know that everything is going to be great. I just hope that in the long-run, someone can be apart of the grand scheme of my life.

So.... its Sunday 2:22pm and I am going to get some new guitar strings... I look forward to putting them on my guitar, it will be a fresh sound, sort of like this fresh perspective that GOd has provided for me. God thank you for everything. Especially the people you've placed in my life to help me through these difficult times. I'm sure its just the beginning, but regardless I know you will provide... Thanks be to God

-Kris-

What a week...

So...

I don't know if I've ever had so much ups and downs in one week, that is inclusive of my entire life of course. 

The key is that regardless of how crappy I'm feeling, or how low I find my head being hung, I still know that there is a God in heaven who loves and cherishes me. Some days we do find ourselves amidst a battle with forces unknown. Other days its battles with others. As well as days we fight ourselves. 

I've had a lot of all of it lately. But its like I feel that I am just in for the beginning. I feel like I should be boarding up my windows and bracing for a storm a'coming. I know that God will provide and not let me go down to the point of no return. He's done too much in my life for me to ever turn away. No matter what... 

I just want to thank all of my friends and family who have been there for me through the tears and the anger. I have no doubt that you have all played specific roles in my life, and are going to continue to do so as long as I shall live. I love God and cherish all y'alls friendship (i'm not from the south but i felt like sayin it...) So yea if you are readin my blog for the first time, or are a regular reader. Pray for me. If you pray for me already, thank you and keep on prayin. 

I know God will see me through to the end, even if this whole chapter of my life has been the hardest to write, or let Him write thus far. To God be the glory and honor. I would truly be nothing without Him and the ones He's put in my life. Thanks be to God!

Now I start the three day weekend. Hopefully it goes well. I don't see why it wouldn't

God Bless all

-Kris-

Huntington University

God is good... All the time...... All the Time....... God is GOOD!!!!

(Just to pre-req this, its sort of jump back n forthish so yea)

So yea I'm here at Huntington University. The place that God has led me in the this life thus far. I have a really cool roommate, Minkailu Mambu; a really cool floor, Miller 3rd; and just cool all around. I feel that its probably one of the biggest turning points in my life to this stage and current setting. 

I know that God has a plan for my life. Other than graduating I really don't know what it looks like. I wish I did. I wish I could say that in two or three years I would be married and with a good teaching job in a high school somewhere. Happy as a clam. But the more I realize that things go array, the more I question if I'm truly meant for the American ordinary. Most days all I want is to wake up and be 28-30 and have an awesome wife laying next to me, and we are doing life together as God designed it. On the flipside I feel that at this stage, God has other things for me (obviously). 

It could be something I would never have imagined (it prolly is). But that scares me a little bit. I know coming to Huntington, leaving all my amazing friends at Evangel was one of the single most hardest decisions I've ever made. I know it was risky, but not un-calculated. So yea I'm hoping and praying I can get through this storm right now....

Lately my life has been full of just....... well...... for lack of a better explanation....... depressing. I look at it and say,

 "Kris, why are you depressed, you have everything going for you... going to a good school, you have amazing friends who love you, you have great parents, and a Loving Amazing God who is always there for you.... you have no reason to be depressed"

The reality, is yea. I should not be depressed but I am. Our culture and scientific community says that there is a condition of depression that can be treated by medicine. But I feel that a lot of it can be healed and fixed if we give our cares to God. I know that I will make it through. I have no doubt. But how I go about doing it may be sort of slow. I feel like I'm crawling through everyday. Without any real close friends here at Huntington yet its becoming increasingly hard to finish the day. I know God is there. I feel like satan is clubbing me with a mace over and over again, not ever wanting me to get up. Emotionally I feel like Job, yes my physical health is good, and all is well exteriorly, but inside I'm so wrenched and hurt. I know God can heal all things.

So God here is my plea...

Help me to be the man u want me to be. Through this turmoil in my life, mold me into a vessel that can be used for your will. I thank you for the trials and challenges u place before me. Even though I may hate going through them. I know they are for my well being. I know you have my best interest at heart. Help me to see it in the times when my reason is weak. Provide a way for me to feel your loving arms wrapped around me. God... thanks and I love you

-Kris-

OK...

Today is a new day...

God you've got the controls...

This is going to be a great year...

No matter what comes my way, don't let it run me over...

-Kris-

Today in the life of KB

Today is a day in which a lot comes to my mind... I am getting ready to officially start a different phase of my life that is sure to send some challenges my way. I look forward to seeing how God works through the path he's laid before me...

One weekend ago I made one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make... I know that it was a decision that was well thought out and talked out... I also have one of the greatest friends I could ask for supporting me in that deicison...

God is going to work through whatever comes my way I know that... but at times it feels almost impossible to overcome the obstacles thrown in my way... I'm sure I'm not alone in that, people experience stressful times everyday, week, month, year, but God is faithful... part of me wonders sometimes why God has led me to where I am... I pray and pray and try to listen and listen and sometimes I just feel like He is mute (I know deep down He's not) but it becomes very frustrating...

So anyway I start school a week from tomorrow and I hope that I can get the job done this year, because that is what this whole change has been all about... I look forward to seeing Abby again, she's pretty awesome... and yea she's the friend I was talking about earlier :) 

So anyways i'll keep on bloggin God bless

-Kris-

With God.......

In life we find that there are moments in which we are totally and utterly lost for a course of action... In these moments we all turn to something... whether it be ourselves, or some other form of comfort or guidance we all turn to something. I turn to the One who has literally saved my life from the depths of hell. That One is God, Jesus, the Saviour of man... Now I realize that there are skeptics and nay-sayers when God is talked about but I just want to let all who read know that God has guided my life, and carried me most of the way. God has given me something to hold to when all of my earthly logic and knowledge fail. God is so good that He is an arm's reach away from us, ready to hold us tight if we let him. 

When I now find myself in a time of storm and chaos, maybe not in the physical being of myself but in my emotional state of being. God I need you now as much as I ever have before. Maybe more... Lord help me to realize what you would have me do. I feel you in my life, just please stay with me the whole way, lead me along your peaceful pastures. God provide comfort and joy for when there is none to be found. Provide strength when I am weak. Give me peace in the turmoil. God I need you so bad right now... please... I love you Lord...

-Kris-

So...

In life we have times in which we are at a loss of words...

Some of those moments are because of overwhelming joy...

Some are from moments of being humbled like never before...

Some are from shock and pure awe of a situation...

And others... are because of anger that feels untamable...

I have experienced all of these in the last month or two. Most of them because of an amazing special girl whom I'm sure you all know is Abby Dilling, the one whom I hold dear to my heart :)...

All of these but the last...

I will save sharing the story but I just am at a point right now where I am going to have to utterly depend on God because of my lack of understanding. I feel that I am having to let lose on those I know won't judge me... is that right????? 

I don't think so but its my temporary way of dealing with it, until tomorrow when I am going to force myself to spend time with God and just listen to what he is laying on my heart. 

If you read this and are a praying person, please pray for me....

-Kris-

What do I think?

Well I think the world is in a conundrum right now. 

Who knows what the Eff is going on?????

Now a poem

Wind in the lilies, blowing with a calm scent of cotton

Lonely for a second, feeling the sense of a hole... in the heart

Then with conversing, comes a sense of relief

The love is still there, as will it always be even though there are

Lapses of trains... called thought. 

Within the guardrails of society, free thought is cornered

But, love can not be broken, who can stop the rivers of love

Man??? God???? 

Who really knows, maybe the gremlin, maybe the sooth sayer, 

maybe the man in the box, maybe the man in the tall steel building,

Death and taxes are inevitable, yet memories and contributions live on

God is good, no blemish... the rest of mankind will say that He is all about wrath

Part of the world will say he loves above all... which is it?

Well that is for a reader to decide, to read all the words the earth screams and

decipher what they mean, their intentions, their weakness, their strength

All in all, where will we go, the young man knows, but the man of grey is swayed...

God is love, no matter the tide of the ocean, or the direction of tree branches...

Evolsi Dog is the phrase of truth, 

God Bless

-Kris-

A day.... is another day.....

To all who read...

So I have made official one of the hardest decisions in my life...

I know that God has it all covered, but dang its hard to see where He is going to lead sometimes. I thank God for all the great friends and family I've been blessed with. Its been a crazy awesome summer in a lot of ways, almost too many ways to count. I can't imagine where I will be next year this time. 

James "the Blur" Kerr...

I love you bro. You are the best friend a guy could ask for. Nothing and no one could ever replace you man. We've been through the rough times and the good ones, and made it through em all, I can't wait to see what God has for both of us. Its gonna be tizzight!!!!!

Bruce Bruce Brown "84/165"

You are my best bro from back home man, the 513 4 life. Bro you've been a best bud for a longtime and I look forward to seeing the future man. Love ya man.

Josh Donaldson

ROOMIE!!! yea the only guy I have had the pleasure of living with. Not in a gay way obviously. But yea we have had our ups and downs but bro I know that I'll always be there for you and u for me. All those times u takin me to the hospital haha. You've seen me at my worst, and know what I look like when I'm a soppy mess and still call me a bro. Thanks and I love ya

To all my other bros that have been there, espeically my K2s brothas. Thanks and God Bless you for everything.

Life is too short to live alone, make friends, good ones, and keep em, never let em go, because somedays u find that on this earth a friend is all you've got...

-Kris-

Life as usual... or not???? hmmmm.....

So......

I find myself at a crossroads in life. I feel as though I am on track to becoming the man that God wants me to be, but sometimes still holding tight to the comfort and safety of not being on my own yet. I feel deep within that I am ready to be out in the world, I feel that I have been prepared enough and as soon as I get that next sheet of paper I will be ready to take on the world, get married, buy a house, or whatever is in store........but.......

Who honestly can say for sure what they will be doing in two years.... I know me for one have an idea but can't count on it. We never know when its our time to go, it could be now, later, tomorrow, one second form now, one year from now; only God knows. 

I find peace and chaos in that sometimes. Peace because I really don't have to worry about missing out if its God's timing and then chaos because I am worried I'll miss out on things I haven't experienced. Kind of funny how that works. When I think like a human being, and my human nature says that I need to "Live it Up!!!!" I feel unrest in the soul. When I focus on the scripture talking about how we shouldn't ever worry but pray about everything, I feel a shalom peace. 

SO I have some big decisions coming up, If you are reading this and are a praying person, please... I would ask for your prayers. I don't care what faith you profess, your prayers would be appreciated. 

Things with Abby...

Well I could go ahead and say they are great, but that would be an understatement. I haven't been this happy since the day I gave my life to the Lord. Fo real. Abby Dilling has got to be the most awesome Beautiful girl I've ever known, and I am so blessed to have known her and to be her boyfriend. 

This is jus the recent stuff on my mind, take care...

-BICKris-

What a weekend

To all who read,

Basically I had yet another amazing weekend.

I watched my girl play softball, and yea i'm real excited to see her play at HU, not sure how i'll make it up there 9 hours away from school, but i'm gonna try :)

So yea jus been thinkin about how much I love her, and how good God is. I'm all smiles :):):):):)

-Kris-

Wow... what a weekend

So I'm home from the sailing trip, then I get to go to Indiana to see at the time my really good friend. After spending two previous days with her, now to spend 4 days and nights, we decided to make it an official relationship...

I am so freakin excited I can't believe it. It just feels so good, like its exactly what God has for me right now, and when a person feels this at peace it beats out all other feelings that's for sure. 

Now to start off we jus kind of hung out then, we went swimming and to a movie. Great times!!!

Then we played golf, (I got rocked) but it was soooo much fun. Then another great night topped off with a campfire and some great getting to know eachother more time.

Then Sunday came... Go to church watch her rock out the bass guitar, have lunch with the fam, got to meet some cousins, and others. Went back to church only to have a great service with awesome prayer after. Then watched Defiance at her house and started the trek home.

What a great weekend...

God...

I pray that you would just be in the center of every future decision that I and Abby make.

God Bless all

-BICKris-

Pre-Sailing trip.....

So I'm here in the Burg, 

Chillin at home watchin movies, exercising, and playing my good ole' guitar. 

I'm currently trying to write a song for Abby. Its not too hard, because there is a lot of inspiration. She has made the last week of my life one of the most brightest times in the history of my being. I feel as though once again life is going on the smooth rails of travel, and I know at these times its when God seems to throw us a curve ball. Curve balls are welcomed, because its the ones we miss that help us to not strike out over and over again. 

In time we realize that life leads us to just the most random and ridiculous places. As well as leading us to places that can take our breath away. I feel that this up incoming sailing venture will definitely put life into yet another perspective. Being away from all i've come to know as home and comfort for ten days, it will be an experience of a life time. 

I look forward to the beautiful waters of the caribbean. I am excited to go and can't wait to experience it. I will most definitely miss Abby even more, I really hope I get to talk to her while on the trip, if not it will be ok, because it will make talking to her (when I finally do) that much better. I am looking forward to giving her the surprise i'm preparing. 

So on a closing note, I do wish that everyone who reads this blog or who does keep up wit my blog, I hope that your summer is going well. I know mine has been amazing. I've met an awesome girl who I just.......wow.........yea she's that awesome. I can't wait to see her again, and to my Yokes brothas, God Bless and I love you guys

-Kris-

New Events in Indiana

So last friday the 5th of June...

Delphi Alive straight rocked the house for Jesus. It was great to play our first event, hopefully the first of many to come. 

On top of that I've met this really awesome girl, her name is Abby... to preface this let me explain things

Not too long ago I was bloggin about this girl from home, Kelsey.

She is really cool, but the situation is complicated, really complicated. I have been praying about the whole thing, and how it pertains to my life and hers. I feel like I have really come to a healthy decision. I am going to officially take myself off the market, I changed my relationship status on facebook, haha its funny that the changing of something on facebook makes something that of an official nature, but it does.

So the reason to take my self from single to not listed is because Abby, is just really awesome. Although she will disagree with me, she really is. I got to spend two days hanging out with her in Indiana, starting thursday, that was our first date. Thursday June 4th 2009. Then we hung out at a bonfire for a couple of hours Friday, and it has just exponentially increased in awesomeness since then.

So I really freaking miss her. I wish I could spend more time with her. But all in God's timing. 

So if you are reading this and are a praying person, say a quick prayer that God would continue to guide me. Thanks and...

Kelsey... I hope for the best for you

Abby, you are so freakin awesome, and I miss you a whole whole bunch :)

-The BIC-

Into June... Almost..........

So basically,

I'm home and not a whole lot has gone down, hung out with a few friends, and family. It was good times. 

I've been trying to write some music, I might post some lyrics we'll see. 

Photoshopping b4 Bloggin!

Today,

So I basically was really excited today to get to talk to one of my really good friends Kelsey McManus. 

Before that I finished cultivating a field for the Mullin Farm. 

I have never ridden a big tractor it has been quite an experience.

So I realized today that God works in really funny ways sometimes. I just know with all that is within me that I am gonna be ok in every aspect of my life. That may mean, hardships will come (and they have) but God is gonna take care of it. God is our provider. I love that. He provides, in areas that we are unable in. He provides a lot of the time. 

In life there are many things pulling us in various directions. We let these things take hold and rip apart our lives as we know it. Sometimes these things are a benefit, but a lot of the time these things draw us further away from God. 

Are these things ok, well it depends on how you look at it I guess.

It was jus a thought. So God Bless to all

-Kris-

Indiana...

So,

Indiana has been amazing. I cultivated a field today, it was really sweet. I've never done anything like that. I could never be a farmer forever but it was sweet to help today. Tomorrow i am getting up to do it again. Hopefully I do a little bit of a better Job. 

Its good being here. I'm not playing as much music as i'd like but its all good. Met some cool people. I miss a specific someone pretty bad. I really hope something develops.

Kelsey if you read this I am of course talking about you. 

I am looking forward to what God is going to do with my life this summer. 

This post has been a random jotting of my thoughts. 

ttyl WWW

-BICKris-

Arrived in Indiana

So it is wednesday, 

I have been in Indiana for four days. Delphi is where I am currently located. I love it here. Its a really nice area. Reminds me of my hometown actually. I have really been blessed to be living at the Mullin's house. My friend Josh and his sister are the people I knew, along with Josh's fiance' Katy, and Dustin Oliver another great guy.

So basically I'm gonna be practicing for a worship team with these guys. We are going to be traveling around playing worship at a bunch of other places. I am excited. I don't really know how its gonna work out but it will. 

So I am borderline 100% distracted writing this post, which is making it hard to make this post sound any part intelligent. So I am like rambling to fill up room.

I was a little disappointed tonight because I was looking forward to talking to a special someone tonight and it didn't really work out, o well. 

Well goodnight/goodbye to all!!!!

-BICKris-

Dead day... sort of?

Today is dead day...

That is supposed to be a day of no classes that way we can study, but in actuality its just a saturday. I am 85% positive that this is Evangel's first time ever having dead day on an Saturday. I guess its cool but we ALREADY NORMALLY HAVE THIS DAY OFF!!!!!

HMMMMMMMMM!!!!!

Well anyways my goal is to do at least three hours of math homework today, we will see how far I get with that. But for now I'm in my dorm room. lol

Well yea so much for a dead day!

A whole Effin lot is happenin

Dear whoever,

So I come to find out today that one of my really good friends that I might have been interested in is actually basically dating this guy who I've never met. Good for Mr. Goodbar because this girl is pretty awesome. Idk

It's just like I feel like she kind of had me in the dark with this whole situation. But you know what I guess it was none of my &%*$&^% business. 

So whatev, I will really try to focus on the fact that God has me where I'm at for a reason and the "Perfect Wife" is out there somewhere. This has just been another lovely roadblock set up tostop me from screwing up whatever He has planned for my life. 

Thanks for listening

-BICKris-

Betrayal... Natural Misinformation... White Lie.......... Forgiveness?

To all who read,

God is good. I know that. But how do you forgive something that you didnt even know was happening to you your whole life??????

Well I have a friend named Pian, and he has some issues with some people. He's a forty year old man who I met at the Coffee Ethic in downtown springfield MO. 

He started to open up about how his whole life, or at least for half, for the past twenty years he's been lied to by a friend who he considered even to be his mother. Her name was Breaga. She was seventy years old. He didn't have a mother so she basically raised him. The majority of his life he spent with her, and for the first twenty years of his life, until he was on his own he loved and trusted Breaga Then one day that all changed. He found out that while he was in college at Missouri University, she had supposedly been covering his tuition, and it was written in a contract by the state that they were to give Breaga $50,000 dollars for Pian's college education. So the State did, and Pian had loans out the @$$ when he got out of college, he pondered why because he thought Breaga had it taken care of. Well evidently Breaga had spent the whole of the 50 grand over the years, and somehow got a loan in Pian's name to pay for the college. 

Johanne hasn't spoke to her since then........

I had no idea what to tell him. Someone who raised him, someone whom he trusted his whole life finally blew it all up in his face. He had noticed some slight inconsistencies before but never really anything to worry about but this, was serious a 20 year old lie. The only person he knew he could trust was the state, they never left him out to dry. So its either turn his back on Breagaor live with it. 

Pian has been at this crossroads for twenty years and has no idea what to do. 

God help Pian, 

God help me help Pian, 

God provide the strength and wisdom needed.

You are so good God. 

-BICKris-

Mafia Wars!!!!

So facebook can really get you caught into apps that consume some time... 

For instance, Mafia Wars!

Basically I have spent the last month and a half working on this app called Mafia Wars. Its an interesting text-based RPG in which I am Don Burgess, level 63 making 11 million theoretical dollars every 54 minutes. I only wish I could make that much money in that short of time, but in truth that will never happen, because I will never be a crazy unstoppable mob boss. 

So its borderline a text based GTA, which means it could be a best seller ever. Actually its knd of funny because there is this add on the app that says to vote for it in some award ceremony. O well. 

SO this has all been in vain jus a simple statement of a current event in my life.

-BICKris-

Semester thus far...

So this year of 2009, I am now 20 years old to be exact, and let me tell you its weird.

Basically God has been dealing with me in some weird ways, especially through the literature I am reading for some of my Bible classes. I know that God is the God I know and love as my Lord and Savior, but the insight these books give is very thought provoking. I would encourage anyone willing to read some literature on theology if they have the time to read

"Theology for the Community of God"

By: Stanley J. Grenz

Anyways its a great book. At least great in the sense of intrinsic knowledge great. Well i am turning in for the night, I'm pretty tired and yeah well GOd Bless all

-BICKris-