(Just to pre-req this, its sort of jump back n forthish so yea)
So yea I'm here at Huntington University. The place that God has led me in the this life thus far. I have a really cool roommate, Minkailu Mambu; a really cool floor, Miller 3rd; and just cool all around. I feel that its probably one of the biggest turning points in my life to this stage and current setting.
I know that God has a plan for my life. Other than graduating I really don't know what it looks like. I wish I did. I wish I could say that in two or three years I would be married and with a good teaching job in a high school somewhere. Happy as a clam. But the more I realize that things go array, the more I question if I'm truly meant for the American ordinary. Most days all I want is to wake up and be 28-30 and have an awesome wife laying next to me, and we are doing life together as God designed it. On the flipside I feel that at this stage, God has other things for me (obviously).
It could be something I would never have imagined (it prolly is). But that scares me a little bit. I know coming to Huntington, leaving all my amazing friends at Evangel was one of the single most hardest decisions I've ever made. I know it was risky, but not un-calculated. So yea I'm hoping and praying I can get through this storm right now....
Lately my life has been full of just....... well...... for lack of a better explanation....... depressing. I look at it and say,
"Kris, why are you depressed, you have everything going for you... going to a good school, you have amazing friends who love you, you have great parents, and a Loving Amazing God who is always there for you.... you have no reason to be depressed"
The reality, is yea. I should not be depressed but I am. Our culture and scientific community says that there is a condition of depression that can be treated by medicine. But I feel that a lot of it can be healed and fixed if we give our cares to God. I know that I will make it through. I have no doubt. But how I go about doing it may be sort of slow. I feel like I'm crawling through everyday. Without any real close friends here at Huntington yet its becoming increasingly hard to finish the day. I know God is there. I feel like satan is clubbing me with a mace over and over again, not ever wanting me to get up. Emotionally I feel like Job, yes my physical health is good, and all is well exteriorly, but inside I'm so wrenched and hurt. I know God can heal all things.
So God here is my plea...
Help me to be the man u want me to be. Through this turmoil in my life, mold me into a vessel that can be used for your will. I thank you for the trials and challenges u place before me. Even though I may hate going through them. I know they are for my well being. I know you have my best interest at heart. Help me to see it in the times when my reason is weak. Provide a way for me to feel your loving arms wrapped around me. God... thanks and I love you
-Kris-
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